Are you afraid of not being loved, afraid of being rejected, afraid of what people think of you and, ultimately, living your life according to others?

This article is for you. We all want others to like us, to compliment us, to cherish us. But do we need to live according to them to achieve this? Some people are conditioned to live according to others and never for themselves, according to their desires and dreams. Is this a happy and fulfilled life? Fear of judgment can get in the way, making you live for others without ever thinking of yourself.

Where does the fear of judgment come from?

A DIFFICULT PAST
When you’ve lived through a difficult childhood in which everything you did was to please your parents, it’s normal to grow up with this flaw. Your parents conditioned you to please others, not to embarrass them in front of their friends, to be perfect, to always look happy – in short, to look good. In this atmosphere, you’ve become a master in the art of appearances. You live your life according to others, and everything you do is difficult to do without thinking about the way others look at you. You care about others, but who cares about you? Who is present in your suffering? Nobody but you. Don’t you think it’s time to stop living for others and be yourself?

YOUR CURRENT ENVIRONMENT
You may not have grown up in an atmosphere of appearances, but one day you find yourself in an environment where you notice that everything is done according to others. Do you have a choice? Let me give you an example of an environment that may offend some people’s sensibilities: the case of princesses. You now represent the entire royal court, and everything you do is subject to the judgment of others. In this particular case, do you have a choice?

Low self-esteem drives you to live for others
Low self-esteem is a real obstacle to your own life. When you have low self-esteem, you become incapable of being yourself. In fact, you’re not convinced that you’re good enough to be yourself. And when you’re not yourself, you have no goals in life. You’re sailing at a loss and going with the common ship, living simply according to others, afraid of the judgment and gaze of others. To get back on track, you need to roll up your sleeves and become yourself, make your own decisions, your own boat and stop living for others.

FEAR OF DISAPPOINTMENT
In the first year of medical school, a teacher asked his students why they were there. They all gave their reasons, but one of the students didn’t really have an objective and replied: “My family are all doctors, so my parents wanted me to be one too”. In other words, he/she went into medicine simply so as not to disappoint his/her parents, and above all with the judgment of others in mind, who would have made him/her an unworthy child if he/she had chosen another course of study. The truth is that somewhere along the line, in one of the decisions we make, we do so with others in mind. So we don’t live for ourselves, for our dreams, for our desires.

How do we get out of the vicious circle of living for others?

As you can see, freeing yourself from the gaze of others is an important step to take if you want to live happily and for a long time. One thing you need to know is that the judgment of others in no way defines you. You are what you are, and it’s not what others think that defines you. Even if you’re a master in the art of appearances, somewhere deep inside you’re hiding your true nature, which won’t take long to surface if you trample on it too much. Here are a few tips to help you out

DEVELOP YOUR SELF-ESTEEM.
Fear of other people’s judgment can be due to low self-esteem, so you need to develop your self-esteem to accept yourself and stop living for others. Developing your self-esteem means accepting yourself as you are. Accepting your differences, your weaknesses, asserting yourself in every possible way. To achieve this, you need to work hard on yourself. You may need specialist help to get there.

TURN OTHER PEOPLE’S OPINIONS INTO AN ALLY
“Your self-criticism, which you can do honestly, is far more important than the judgment of others.”

You’re wondering how this is possible, aren’t you? To answer you, I’ll refer to a quote I particularly like: “If others throw stones at you, pick them up to build your empire”. Whatever others may think of you, take it positively, and don’t let yourself be influenced by the way others look at you. Whenever someone hurts your feelings or criticizes your choices, take it positively and show that you’re not crazy for making such a decision, and that it’s your life after all? This will help you to stop living for others.

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT TO LEARN TO ACCEPT YOURSELF AND FREE YOURSELF FROM THE GAZE OF OTHERS
Personal development is about developing and improving your intrinsic personality. If you think you can do certain things better, or develop certain skills that lie dormant within you, there’s no better way to do it than through personal development.

OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF JUDGMENT
It’s the fear of judgment that makes you live for others. What if you tried to eradicate this fear from your life? To stop living other people’s lives, and finally set you free to live for yourself…