Has your baby been crying for a while now whenever someone other than you picks him up or pretends to do so? Does he categorically refuse to stay in any arms other than yours, and complains when you move away or disappear from his field of vision? This behavior, which generally appears around the eighth month of life, has a name: separation anxiety.

While this is a perfectly normal crisis, it can be confusing when you don’t know how to deal with it. That’s why it’s so important to understand your baby, so you can help him through this decisive stage in his development. In this article, I’ll show you how. But first, let me explain what you need to know about this phenomenon.

What does it actually mean?

During the course of his development, and depending on his age, your baby goes through a series of more or less important stages. Separation anxiety is just one of these stages, and as the name suggests, it means that your baby cries or is nervous whenever he’s not in your arms. It’s a reaction that may come as a surprise, especially as your little one used to let everyone hold him without complaint. He could even stay as long as he wasn’t hungry with another person.

Things change, however, as your child begins to learn how to distinguish between friends and strangers. From 8 months onwards, or even a little earlier, this ability to distinguish faces with precision is much more pronounced. Your baby now knows for sure who his parents are and who isn’t, and is increasingly reluctant to go into unfamiliar arms.

Separation anxiety also refers to the fear of abandonment that your little treasure feels whenever he’s no longer in your company. This is because your little darling has become aware of himself as a person in his own right, whereas he always thought he was an integral part of you. So the fact that you hand him over to someone else, or put him down to go about his business, is interpreted as a gesture of abandonment on your part. For him, not being in your presence means that you no longer exist, and that he may never be able to enjoy your attention again.

Separation anxiety: who’s most affected?

A baby who cries because he’s afraid of being abandoned usually expresses this fear towards the person with whom he spends most of his time. These are the parents: mom in particular, since she’s the one the child recognizes best at this age, and dad. As for other family members or close friends, it all depends on how often they are in the child’s wake.

It should be noted that your baby’s apprehension in the presence of strangers is a sign of good development. The normal process is that at around 8 months, your little one will be able to pay attention to people according to their order of importance. However, this doesn’t mean that a baby who isn’t really sensitive to being away from mom or dad isn’t developing properly. In fact, the intensity of separation anxiety may depend on the child’s personality (fearful or social) and whether or not he or she is used to seeing people.

On the other hand, for one reason or another, it may be the parents who are most sensitive to having to separate from their baby. This makes it difficult for them to let someone else look after the child, and any period of separation (even the briefest) is hard to bear. It should be noted, however, that adult separation anxiety is also normal and just as common, especially among new parents.

How can you manage your baby’s fear of abandonment?

Understanding your baby and his fear of unfamiliar people is the first step to take when considering how to deal with a separation anxiety attack. First and foremost, you should do everything you can to reassure your baby. Indeed, a baby who cries because he can’t bear to stay in his crib or in another person’s arms needs to be reassured and feel protected at all times. So it’s vital that he understands that this absence is temporary and doesn’t mean that you’ve abandoned him. It’s also important to avoid separating too suddenly.

You can also get him used to getting to know other people, without insisting too much if he refuses to be carried along by some of them. And if you have to entrust him to someone for a while, make sure the transition isn’t too abrupt. As far as possible, avoid leaving without your child seeing you or saying goodbye. On the other hand, leaving a familiar object (cuddly toy, scarf, blanket, etc.) near him when you put him to bed, for example, is sure to reassure him. In addition, the “peekaboo game”, in which you hide your face behind your hands or a blanket before making it reappear, is an excellent way of helping your child grasp the notion of the permanence of objects and people.

So it’s up to you

As you can see, separation anxiety is the fear of abandonment felt more or less intensely by a baby when he or she becomes separated from his or her parents. It manifests itself in a baby who cries as soon as he loses sight of his mom or dad, or who becomes irritable when someone else wants to pick him up. I sincerely hope that my advice has been useful in helping your little one to live through this period as serenely as possible. As a reminder, it’s essential to understand your baby.