In a society full of interpersonal conflicts, assertiveness is a very useful communicative approach. Between the aggressiveness of some and the passivity of others, getting your message across can be a source of tension. Assertive communication is therefore ideal for keeping conflictual exchanges to a minimum.

The aim of this article is to teach you how to communicate in a cordial manner, thanks to 5 basic rules. But first, I’d like to take a closer look at the notion of assertiveness and its importance in a good communication strategy.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness can be defined as a way of expressing one’s point of view and asserting one’s rights while respecting others. It’s a technique for asserting oneself without offending the sensibilities of others. In this communication scheme, we are urged to address people without offending or frustrating them.

Assertive communication comes into its own when it comes to resolving interpersonal conflicts. It’s the ideal way to get complex messages across without alienating others. Conflicts are very often unavoidable when the subject at hand touches the sensibilities of the parties involved. An assertive approach may therefore be necessary to manage the situation through non-violent communication.

In short, assertiveness forces each interlocutor to express themselves in a way that frees them from emotional tensions. Exchanges are therefore based on a personal or collective effort to listen to and understand the other. The opinions and convictions of everyone involved are respected when speaking.

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION: THE HAPPY MEDIUM BETWEEN AGGRESSIVENESS AND PASSIVITY
Assertiveness is sometimes confused with aggressiveness. This is because these two notions are associated with the idea of defending and asserting one’s rights. Indeed, for some people, the only valid way to express their point of view and needs is to be aggressive. Yet the very essence of assertive behavior lies in not hurting the feelings of others.

On the other hand, the passivity advocated by assertiveness does not translate into an attitude of silence. Your desire to avoid conflict should not force you not to express your innermost thoughts. Taking a back seat to others is not the ideal way to free yourself from emotional tension. On the contrary, by refusing to express your needs, you give others the opportunity to be relaxed, to your detriment. As for you, you’ll be reduced to repressing your frustrations and anger, plunging yourself into a permanent state of unease.

Assertive communication should therefore act as a kind of bridge between an aggressive and a passive attitude. The aim is to encourage assertiveness through non-violent communication, but in a tone of voice firm enough to make yourself understood.

WHY USE ASSERTIVENESS TO ASSERT YOUR RIGHTS AND EXPRESS YOUR POINT OF VIEW?
There are many advantages to assertive communication. Firstly, it optimizes interpersonal relations and promotes social well-being. In the workplace, assertiveness helps to minimize conflictual situations that are detrimental to business development.

By freeing us from emotional tensions, assertive communication is effective in reducing stress in the workplace. Fewer conflicts between office colleagues means you can work more serenely. What’s more, it’s an excellent remedy against anxiety, especially as interactions are conducted in a climate of open cordiality. In terms of management, this communication approach has a positive impact on professional motivation. Employees are more productive when they feel listened to and understood in expressing their needs.

In addition to the professional sphere, being assertive can also prove useful in managing family or friendly relationships. Because of differences in moods, relations with those closest to us can sometimes be tense, or even very complicated. Assertiveness can therefore be a precious help in smoothing things over.

How to make yourself heard and understood with assertive communication?

Have you just resolved to integrate assertiveness into your communication strategies? This means you’ve understood its importance in improving your future interpersonal relationships. I can only encourage you in this direction. I’d now like to invite you to discover the 5 golden rules for forging assertive habits.

ASSESS YOUR LEVEL OF ASSERTIVENESS
How do you react to criticism? Do you find it easy to express your opinions? Do you tend to want others to submit to your ideas? Are you the type to lash out when someone doesn’t think like you? Do you have an aggressive attitude when communicating your point of view to others? Your answers to these questions must be consistent with the principles of assertiveness. If not, you’ll need to work hard on yourself to adopt the right behaviors.

EXPRESS YOUR OPINIONS AND RESPECT THOSE OF OTHERS
Just because your opinions differ from those of others doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to express them. If you have a clear vision of what you want, don’t hesitate to make it known whenever necessary. Likewise, have the courage to disagree when you don’t like something. Above all, don’t try to please at all costs, or you risk having your energy drained. And get into the habit of listening to the opinions of others. You don’t have to agree with someone’s thinking before you respect their point of view.

DON’T TRY TO CHANGE PEOPLE’S PERSONALITIES
Trying to get others to change at all costs doesn’t fit in with the principles of assertive communication. It’s difficult, if not impossible, to change people’s personalities. All you gain by trying is wasted time and energy. Instead, assertiveness recommends adapting your behavior as closely as possible to that of others. It’s only by making an effort in the direction of the person you’re talking to that you can hope to get positive feedback.

CHANGE AND IMPROVE YOUR SPEECH
People generally react according to the way you approach them, and the words you use. So it’s vital to address others in the right way, if you want to get positive feedback from them. To do this, start by working on your tone, making it as neutral as possible. Next, banish the verb “to be” from your language, if you don’t want to come across as accusatory or reproving.

BE POSITIVE AND SELF-CONFIDENT
You can’t claim to be an assertive communicator without a minimum of confidence and assertiveness. You need to believe in your opinions before you can express them in front of others. Remember, the esteem you have for yourself will be the esteem you convey to others. There’s only one thing you need to do to achieve this: know how to detect and bring out all your positivity.

What to remember?

From now on, you can pride yourself on being assertive, if you manage to put the above principles into practice. But above all, don’t forget to satisfy others as well as yourself. Assertiveness isn’t about profit for some at the expense of others. Always looking for the right balance is what being assertive is all about.