Sometimes we find ourselves faced with people who exude charisma, who impress us. In these situations, we don’t know what to do. To improve our relationships, we ask ourselves how we can gain self-confidence. How do you keep your cool when you’re in a crowded, noisy group and can’t follow the conversation? How do you find the right words when you’re face to face with someone who’s got a lot to say, and you’re just feeling bland?

The answer is simple: the most effective technique is to be yourself. Finally, these kinds of statements are easy to say, but harder to execute. To find out what this means, read this article.

Gaining self-confidence: the problem with traditional techniques

A problem? Well, there is one. It’s that they most often lead you to build a shell. Their aim, generally speaking, is to unlearn you the habits that tend to keep you stuck in your fears, and teach you techniques that give you strength, energy and the desire to surpass yourself. Of course, it’s all very effective… as long as everything’s going well!
But there are always times when you feel destabilized. And that’s when you realize it. Instead of working on gaining self-confidence, we’ve been working on building our self-image.
In effect, you’ve learned to play a role: a role of someone who’s confident. Someone with a smile on their face, someone who’s on a roll… but in those moments when you’re feeling unsettled, you suddenly realize that it all sounds strange. That maybe it’s not really you, who you are deep down inside!

Introverts and self-confidence techniques

Let’s take an introvert and an extrovert. Gaining self-confidence means different things to them.
As you may know, introversion and extroversion are one of the fundamental pillars of personality. Most of the best-known personality tests include an introversion-extroversion dimension.
In fact, introversion is often wrongly associated with shyness, and extraversion with self-assurance…
Being introverted is above all a way of functioning. Introverts are inward-looking people. We tend to think of them as insecure or unable to gain self-confidence. But in reality, these people are simply calm, composed, very much in their own thoughts, in analysis and in the abstract world of ideas. They need solitude to recharge their batteries.
(Many introverts are very sociable, have great self-confidence, impressive charisma… but you’ll rarely see them at the center of all the attention, clowning around – it’s not their favorite playground).
Yet many introverts spend their lives trying to be like others who are more extroverted than they are. Thinking that to win friends, gain self-confidence and assert themselves in relationships, they have to talk loudly, make people laugh, have lots to say… They force themselves out of their comfort zone. By applying for increasingly exposed jobs where they have to make presentations, lead groups… It’s as if they’re in a frantic race to be comfortable. But on the contrary, the result will seem even more unpleasant.
Then, at some point in their lives, they collapse:

Fatigue, burnout,
Loss of bearings,
The feeling of having missed out on their life, of chasing after pipe dreams,
Etc…

GAINING SELF-CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM
These people don’t realize it, but they have a visceral need for solitude. This is to find balance in their lives. This doesn’t mean they’re antisocial. It’s just that they can’t be constantly in the hustle and bustle, the world, the contact with others. It exhausts them on every level.
By following advice such as gradually exposing themselves to others, forcing themselves to overcome their fear of strangers, attending more and more meetings and parties… they are actually going against their deepest nature. And ultimately, gaining self-confidence becomes an unattainable goal for them.
Another thing that could be worse: they follow advice that goes against their natural way of functioning. For example:

“Practice speaking up so you have things to say”.
Or “talk about yourself as much as possible to get used to it”.

By nature, introverts are often rather modest people. They need to get to know the person before revealing themselves. Often, introverts who force themselves to talk about themselves with people they don’t really know… sound a little false. Trying to gain self-confidence, they break their noses over time with such techniques. Which is very tiring.
I’ve used introverts as an example, but they’re not the only ones who act this way. In fact, a lot of people try to play a role. And all to fit in with a group, with society. Often, it’s people with temperaments that are a little atypical, a little different from the majority:

Introverts,
Hypersensitive people,
High potentials,
People who don’t fit into the majority mold.

How can you regain your self-confidence?

Thanks to this ingredient, gaining self-confidence will be child’s play. You’ll no longer be trying to play a game, to create an image or a role for yourself. You’ll simply be yourself. It’s an enormous strength that will stay with you for the rest of your life.
In fact, once you get used to this feeling, you won’t even try to gain self-confidence. And why is that? Because you feel totally in tune with yourself. It gives you a foundation, a charisma that commands respect. This feeling makes you feel serene inside, in every situation.
To gain self-confidence, you need 2 ingredients that work hand in hand:

Self-knowledge,
Self-acceptance.

Simple to say, less simple to understand and achieve. But the fact is, the best way to be self-assured is to assert yourself by being yourself. And to do that, you need to know who you are, accept it and build on it. To better illustrate this explanation and make it more meaningful, let’s take an example.

PUBLIC PRESENTATIONS
There’s no denying that public speaking takes some getting used to. Of course, the first step is to gain self-confidence.

Everyone’s afraid of getting up on stage or speaking in front of an audience. It’s said to stem from ancestral fears of eyes lurking in the forest, ready to devour you. Still, the fear is there. And most people who take to the stage with ease have gone through a learning process to overcome their fear of public speaking. They started with small gatherings and speeches. Then larger gatherings, increasingly complicated and improvised speeches.
So, if you want to gain self-confidence and conquer your fear, you gradually expose yourself. That’s how you become comfortable in public.
It’s also by learning techniques:

Postures,
Gestures,
Voice intonation,
Ways of looking at the audience,
Etc…

These techniques help you to feel more at ease in public. By applying them, you gradually gain self-confidence.

However, some presenters are great, while others sound fake. Many retain enormous stage fright, even after years of training, others less so. And generally speaking, those who know how to remain themselves are the least stressed and the most formidable, even once on stage. Gaining self-confidence is therefore based on the ability to remain oneself.
For a quick demonstration, let’s take the same example, that of introverts, whom I know well because this is my speciality and I’ve been working for years to help them gain self-confidence.
What’s more, I’d like to deconstruct a belief that is deeply entrenched in many schools, companies, seminars… perhaps in society as a whole.

A MISSING BELIEF
“You have to be dynamic, alert, funny… to give good presentations”. It’s a totally extrovert belief, apparently necessary to gain self-confidence. It’s a destructive belief for many quieter, more discreet people, who find it hard to identify with this style. And yet, you can make excellent presentations by remaining calm, serious and collected. I can think of many presenters, actors, politicians and others who know how to make a real impact by remaining calm, serious and poised.

I attended an impressive presentation once: a man who didn’t look like much, who stood awkwardly and seemed shy.
At one point, he began his presentation. To do what he did, you really have to have built up your self-confidence. As there was a hubbub in the room, no one could hear him. But he didn’t stop. Very sure of himself, and passionate about what he wanted to tell, he started talking.
As it was fascinating, the people sitting in the front row strained their ears so as not to miss anything he was saying. Little by little, you could hear the flies flying. For 1 hour, he kept his audience on their toes, sitting still, making no jokes, with a monotone voice… But his passion prevailed.

PRESENTATIONS: THE IMPORTANCE OF CONTENT
When it comes to gaining self-confidence, we can also take this step: learning how to manage a presentation. When it comes to presentations, there’s a tendency to believe that form is all-important. Figures like: 80% of a presentation is made up of non-verbal communication.
Yet, very often, content is just as important, sometimes even more so. You can present something empty well. But you can also misrepresent something complete. The effect is often at least as impressive.
This presenter knew himself. He had gone through the process of gaining self-confidence. He trusted his inner self, and didn’t try to change in order to be heard by others.
Starting from who he was: a rather inward, thoughtful, gentle person… he made an impactful presentation, without playing a role. He didn’t try to apply techniques to improve his presentation, he simply tried to convey what he had to say. And I’m sure he didn’t feel too stressed when he went on stage. Yes, because he was aligned with what he was deep down inside.

GAINING SELF-CONFIDENCE BY BEING YOURSELF
Are you trying to be dynamic on stage, when in real life you’re just the opposite? You run the risk of looking fake. No matter how hard you work on all the techniques you need to succeed. What’s more, you’re likely to be under a lot more stress. Not only do you have the pressure of having to get your message across in front of an audience, but you also have the pressure of having to play a role that’s not what you’re best at. And that’s no way to gain self-confidence.
You know, the greatest actors are often quite similar in private life and in front of the camera. They generally know themselves very well. They know how to play on the different aspects of their personality to highlight their performance.
And this example of public presentations is applicable to all the stressful situations in your life. The best way to build confidence and charisma… is to simply be yourself. Be fully aligned with who you are at your core.

Other tips for gaining confidence

GAINING SELF-CONFIDENCE: NO NEED TO CHANGE
Get to know yourself, build on your natural qualities. It’s better than running around all your life trying to correct some of your faults, changing the impossible.
To continue with our example of introverts, which you can adapt to your own particular circumstances. Can’t you accept deep down that you’re a rather quiet, inner person? You can work on all the techniques in the world, but it’ll always be shaky.
You have to work on yourself to gain self-confidence. Yes, because very often, there are parts of our temperament that we reject, that we don’t accept properly. Sometimes, we’re barely aware of them. Often, we’re not even aware of all the riches buried within us. We don’t know that all we have to do to feel more confident is to put these riches to good use.
If you’re interested in this way of gaining self-confidence, you’ll find some easy-to-implement tips here.

GET HELP, DO YOUR RESEARCH
An excellent way to gain self-confidence by getting to know yourself better is, of course, to undergo behavioral therapy. Seek help from someone you trust, such as a psychologist.
But you can also do it on your own. One good way is to read up on personality types, and try to understand what suits you best. This is often the first step in the process, prompting you to say “yes, of course! It opens the way to self-understanding and to the sources of information you need. That’s how you come to understand yourself.

CAN SPORT HELP ME GAIN SELF-CONFIDENCE?
First and foremost, sport can improve your physical condition and boost your immunity. But that’s not its only use. Of course, being in shape already has a major impact on your mental state. It’s not for nothing that we say “a healthy mind in a healthy body”!

But on the other hand, sport helps you to assert yourself and find your strengths. It helps you to exploit your physical and intellectual capacities. In fact, the best way to take advantage of this is to play a team sport. Being part of a team helps you gain self-confidence. For example, you could play tennis, volleyball, water polo and so on. With your teammates, you can pull each other up. And you can make the most of your individual skills to lead everyone to victory!

So, what do you think? Does all this speak to you?