Relationships aren’t all “I love you”, kisses and cuddles like in the movies. In fact, stress, time and, above all, jealousy sometimes get the better of feelings. We argue, we shout at each other, we lose control of ourselves and sometimes we come to blows. We’ve all experienced this lack of respect as a couple. Most of the time, things get sorted out very quickly when everyone pitches in and admits their mistakes. Other times, it ends up rotting the relationship, leaving no way out.

Why is respect in a relationship important to a happy life together? Why did the relationship that started out so perfect give way to a total lack of respect? Find out in the next few lines.

Respect as a couple: an important lever for a harmonious and lasting relationship

Respect is a fundamental human right and an essential value in relationships. Indeed, it’s by respecting each other that both partners can build a healthy, stable and fulfilling relationship. A relationship in which everyone can feel free. Respect in a relationship means :

Letting each other express themselves;
Accepting that we don’t always have to stick together 24 hours a day;
Accepting that we’re two different people, and as such we each have our own personality…
Don’t fall into the trap of being a cop: reading text messages and e-mails, listening in on phone conversations…
Accept each other’s limits: emotionally, sexually…

WHY IS THERE A LACK OF RESPECT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Lack of respect in a relationship stems from one person’s desire to have complete control over the other, at all times and in all situations. To impose themselves, they use psychological pressure (verbal abuse, emotional blackmail, etc.) or physical pressure (violence).

Sometimes, disrespect arises when one of the two partners :

Fails to react to the other’s acerbic comments and jealousy;
Lies down;
Does not set limits;
Doesn’t make it clear to the other that the situation has become unbearable: for example, distancing oneself…
Lack of self-confidence : putting up with everything to avoid being abandoned.

HOW DOES A LACK OF RESPECT MANIFEST ITSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Generally speaking, a lack of respect in a relationship occurs when one of the partners ..:

Does not pay attention to what the other is saying: for example, looks at something else or does something else when the other is talking;
Often cuts the other person off and prevents them from expressing their ideas;
Mocks the other person all the time, especially in public;
Constantly criticizes his/her choices;
Systematically seeks to have the last word on every subject, even if it means being violent;
Doesn’t support others when they’re going through a crisis;
Attacks with jealousy at the other’s every move: some would say that jealousy is a proof of love. Others even say it’s a way of spicing up the relationship. But when jealousy goes so far as to spy on the other, it’s disrespect (disrespect for individual freedom, privacy…).

These marks of lack of respect in a couple are called active. But there’s also negligent disrespect. For example, leaving your belongings on the floor for the other person to pick up, leaving him or her to do the dishes when he or she gets home from work when you’ve been at home all day, and so on.

I’m jealous, but I look after myself

After the first few months of total fusion, when you and your partner did everything together: shopping, sports, etc., it’s perfectly normal for you to feel jealous. It’s perfectly normal for you to find it hard to accept the fact that he or she wants to go back to seeing friends more often or doing activities without you. Doesn’t this desire for freedom hide something fishy?

However, this should not be a pretext for disrespect within the couple. In fact, just because your partner preferred to go out with his or her friends instead of taking you to the dentist doesn’t give you the right to throw a fit of jealousy, insult him or her or go radio silent. You’d love to spend the day with him or her, all right. But there’s jealousy and there’s morbid jealousy. In any case, before you suffocate the other person and lose him or her for good, it’s important to take charge of your own jealousy.

WORK ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Morbid jealousy is most often the result of a fear of being judged by others. Tell yourself you’re unique, exceptional. In fact, that’s why your partner chose you. It can also stem from a narcissistic wound suffered in childhood. Learning to love and appreciate yourself may take time, but in the end, you’ll have everything to gain. And not just romantically.

LEARN TO LET GO
Remember that your partner is not your private property. Accepting the fact that he or she sees this or that person without there being anything unclear will save you from emotional and physical exhaustion.

DO THINGS ON YOUR OWN
Is your partner planning an outing with friends? Do the same. Instead of brooding in your corner and imagining worst-case scenarios, invite your best friend and have some fun.

Lack of respect in a relationship psychologically destroys both the person who suffers and the person who causes it. Perhaps you’ve been in such a situation?