When we make a mistake, we often feel terrible and remorseful. Or we may simply be angry with ourselves. No matter how big or small, it’s often hard to come to terms with. However, if we simply apologize or carry on as before, the risk of repeating them increases.

So why not learn from our mistakes and put these inevitable hazards to good use? We’re all bound to make mistakes – we’re human, after all!

How do mistakes create value?

We all make mistakes, no matter how perfect we think we are. In this respect, Mahatma Gandhi was perceptive when he asserted that “freedom has no value if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes”. And with good reason: making a mistake is part of any learning process. We learn by doing, and in those moments mistakes are commonplace.

Let’s continue with Albert Einstein’s statement that “a person who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new”. And these words are very realistic. After all, doesn’t a child learn to walk after falling over and over again? As a result, bouncing back from failure is only possible after several tries and involves several experiments. This is where mistakes can be a ray of hope. However, failing to learn from mistakes and making them again and again could be counterproductive. So the adage that “practice makes perfect” seems to be more relevant to understanding how mistakes lead to success.

Accepting mistakes: why is it so difficult?

For many reasons, it is often difficult to accept failure and act accordingly. An implicit value in many cultures is that our work represents us. Therefore, if you fail a test, you are a failure yourself. If you make a mistake, then you represent that mistake. Yet this is what often gives rise to inferiority complexes. What’s more, all humans are essentially ego-driven creatures. Yet it is this ego that robs us of the will to learn from our mistakes.

Moreover, we develop an identity – a self-concept and self-image – built on our beliefs and self-views from an early age. When our own thoughts and behaviors challenge our self-concept, we experience what is known as “cognitive dissonance” – a form of mental discomfort and tension. It occurs when two beliefs, attitudes, ideas or opinions are in conflict. For example: “I know smoking is bad for me… but I still smoke a pack a day”. In the same way, we immediately seek to dissipate any mental tension. It’s the same when we have to accept failure. It prevents us from questioning ourselves and learning from our mistakes.

Learning from mistakes: admitting them

First and foremost, learning from your mistakes means accepting failure. First and foremost, you have to admit that you made a mistake. As soon as you start blaming others (or perhaps even the universe), you distance yourself from any possible lesson. The same is true if you let mental rumination rule your life. On the other hand, if you dare to say honestly: “It’s my fault and I’m responsible”, the possibilities for you to learn something from it expand. Even if it’s only in private, by putting aside the focus on accusations, it’s more practical to focus on understanding, and learning from your failures will be easier.

On the other hand, most of us have been brought up to regard mistakes as shameful things. Whether at school, in the family or at work, we’re encouraged to feel guilty about every failure. Similarly, we’re often told to do everything in our power to avoid making mistakes. As a result, many people give up on their goals because they are unprepared for mistakes and lack the ability to bounce back from failure. And yet, the greater your ambitions, the more dependent you will be on your ability to overcome and accept failure.

Ask the right questions to learn from your mistakes

To learn from failure – and, by the same token, to learn from your mistakes – you need to ask yourself the right questions:

Is there anything you can do to remedy this mistake?
What else can be salvaged?
Is there a hidden opportunity in the mistake?
What was the cause of the mistake?
Was the objective you set achievable?
Did you make a mistake in the strategy or method you chose to follow?
Did you make a mistake in executing the plan?
What should you have done differently?
Were there any warning signs that you missed?

By carefully examining the answers, you’ll have the opportunity to bounce back from failure. Once you’ve asked yourself the right questions, you can identify the lessons you can learn.

So call on your mental strength and release any negative feelings by showing compassion for yourself. To learn from your mistakes, you need to try not to be too hard on yourself. Talk to yourself and say phrases like:

“My mistakes don’t define me.”
“No one has ever succeeded in life without making mistakes.”
“Making mistakes is part of life.”
“I’m proud of myself for trying.”
“I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.”
“I’m grateful for the lesson this mistake has taught me.
“I’ll know how to do better on my next attempt.”