Assertiveness is an essential communication skill. Being assertive means expressing yourself effectively and defending your point of view, while respecting the rights and convictions of others. It’s an attitude that has a major impact on our interpersonal relationships. In this article, I give 5 foolproof tips for developing your assertiveness.

But first, let’s take a look at how to recognize an assertive person. Then, I’ll tell you why this attitude is indispensable in communication.

What does it mean to be assertive?

Whether in professional or personal relationships, we often hear that we need to be assertive to communicate better. It’s essential to understand what this means to ensure healthy relationships.

The first thing to say about assertiveness is that it’s a rather special approach to communication. It involves adopting a posture that is neither passive nor aggressive in expressing our feelings and emotions. It’s the happy medium between passivity and aggressiveness. Thus, assertive behavior is not identified with verbal violence or indifference to situations. Rather, it’s marked by a prompt, sincere and gentle response that respects oneself and others.

In interpersonal relationships, assertiveness is the communicative attitude that enables you to express yourself in a precise and reasonable way. Being assertive obliges you to consider your rights and those of others before reacting to a situation. In fact, it’s an excellent resource for maintaining the balance between rights and duties. It leads us to defend our opinions while respecting those of others. We then become more authentic in the way we communicate. Being assertive means taking responsibility for who you are, what you say and what you do, with self-esteem and the esteem of others.

How to recognize an assertive person?

Assertiveness is a skill in itself, manifested by a particular ability to communicate. In an assertive person, it’s important to note the following attributes to distinguish them from others:

Assertiveness: being assertive means avoiding both extremes in one’s reactions. An assertive person adopts a middle ground between passivity and aggressiveness. In other words, they don’t react to situations out of complacency or pride. Her behavior is not intended to please or displease others. Nor is it to please oneself or to impose oneself. Rather, it comes at just the right moment to restore order, and bears witness to sincerity. Assertiveness is the attitude of someone who doesn’t turn a blind eye to injustice, but doesn’t respond with violence. At best, they respond with respect and understanding.
Sense of equality: an assertive person has a strong sense of equality and justice. They’re not introverted or self-centered. As such, they don’t let their words and behavior infringe on the rights of others. Conversely, she doesn’t allow the interests and rights of others to encroach on her own.
Respect: this is a key point of assertiveness. A person who knows how to be assertive has a clear notion of respect for self and others. This is why resorting to violence in the event of misunderstanding is not an option for them. An assertive person prefers to resolve conflicts through approaches that preserve mutual respect. They don’t use physical or verbal violence, but they do apply respect to themselves and to others.
Self-control: being in control of oneself is a characteristic of assertiveness. Assertive people are serene and know how to manage their emotions. They have learned to understand and support their interlocutors when they are under the influence of their emotions. They are not people who enjoy exposing the weaknesses and failings of others.

Why is assertiveness important in communication?

As stressed above, assertiveness is an essential part of precise, reasonable communication. Without it, your communication is bound to lack consistency. It will either be vulgar and insignificant, or extremely unpleasant. Knowing how to communicate means cultivating a willingness to express opinions constructively.

In social and professional relationships, being assertive ensures mature and peaceful exchanges. What you say is based on your intimate convictions and values, so you’re not afraid to express them. So you can talk to others without the risk of being irritated or swayed by their opinions. Assertiveness teaches you to communicate effectively, convincingly and respectfully.

How to develop assertiveness: 5 effective tips

Developing assertiveness is an important part of good communication. In various aspects of your life, this will be an asset that will make your relationships more successful. Here are 5 sure-fire tips.

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF
Socrates’ famous “know thyself” is relevant here. But why return to this question? Because knowing yourself is the basis of assertiveness. You can’t be assertive without knowing yourself. This requires a thorough examination of yourself to get to know your true nature, values and convictions. You need this, because assertiveness can only be said to exist when your position is firm in relation to your convictions and values. So you need to have character.

ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE
Many people get to know themselves without appreciating themselves for who they are. Understand that an assertive person not only knows who he or she is, but also accepts him or herself. This step is crucial. Not accepting yourself, in your weaknesses and strengths, is a major handicap to assertive communication. People who deny themselves are often those who like to adopt a passive stance in situations. Remember that assertive behavior is different from passivity. So it’s important that you develop self-acceptance by valuing yourself.

CULTIVATE SELF-CONTROL TO BE ASSERTIVE
As you read earlier, self-control is important for assertiveness. You need to learn to manage your feelings and emotions. One secret to achieving this is to set yourself a limit of do’s and don’ts. Make a list of things you don’t want to do no matter what. Make it a rule never to lay a hand on someone, for example. Like everyone else, you can feel strong emotions that lead to violence. Just don’t let them drive you.

ADOPT RESPECT
Whether you’re in the position of leader or follower, show respect in all situations. Respect yourself first, then others. It’s a key attribute of assertiveness. It’s a quality that keeps you away from all forms of aggressive expression. Be aware that aggressive and disrespectful comments call for similar responses. To develop your assertiveness and have healthy relationships with those around you, you need to prioritize respect. It’s part of the interpersonal skills that every good manager needs.

DEVELOP YOUR LISTENING SKILLS
The ability to listen attentively and attentively is an asset to assertiveness. It shows your interest in others and the respect you have for them. Above all, it enables you to ease tensions and understand the other person’s feelings. It’s a resource that prepares you to respond appropriately to the person in front of you. Developing active listening skills is very useful for assertiveness. It will make your communications pleasant and constructive.

It’s up to you!