These days, many people spend their time living for others, but never for themselves. They put the happiness of others before their own well-being. They devote themselves body and soul to others in the hope that caring will keep friends and loved ones close. In doing so, the only thing we can get out of it is heartbreak, disappointment and years of emotional dependence. That’s why we need to learn to live for ourselves before worrying about the rest.

If I were you, I’d do this; in my opinion, it’s better this way; you should do this and that… In short, so many words that don’t help us live life the way we want to. Everyone seems to know what’s best for us and gives their opinion on how we should behave or act. Under these conditions, staying true to yourself and living the life you want can be a real challenge. But it’s essential for a fulfilling existence.

Is living for oneself a sign of selfishness?

We can’t say it often enough: the key to happiness is to live according to your desires. At first glance, this may sound very selfish. However, the idea is far more complex than that. When these words are uttered, they often evoke negative connotations. We immediately think of narcissism, egocentricity and individualism. What’s more, we’re supposed to avoid thinking only about “me and my interests”, aren’t we? However, the aim here is not to do only those things that directly benefit us. Similarly, living for oneself doesn’t imply ceasing to care about or help others. Rather, it means doing what you want to do and having a purpose behind every action, even if it’s sometimes difficult to distinguish between what we’re supposed to want and what we actually do want.

On the other hand, no one wants to disappoint family, friends or loved ones. So we do our best to live up to their definition of a happy, successful life. They think they know what’s best for us, and maybe they do. But living for yourself is fundamental. Never miss an opportunity to move forward just because it doesn’t suit someone else. Do whatever it takes to reach your goals and touch your dreams with your fingertips. After all, it’s your life! You’re the only one living it, so the only opinion that really counts is your own. The people you were so afraid of hurting or disappointing will end up happy, since they’ll soon realize that you knew what you were doing after all.

Living for yourself: fear, a great barrier

The reason we’re so stubborn about living for others is fear: fear of not being loved, fear of not being accepted for who we are, fear of not pleasing, fear of not living up to others and our own expectations… The list goes on, but it all goes to show just how much that little four-letter word can impact our lives. It’s the single biggest obstacle preventing us from living for ourselves.

But where exactly does this fear come from? It’s rooted in the experiences we’ve had in the past, especially in childhood. Children are not afraid to express their thoughts, emotions and wishes. It’s in their nature, but it’s those around them who deny them this right. Society transforms us, and most of the time, we just let it happen. As we grow up, what other people think takes up a lot of space inside us, and we become slaves to what they might say. As a result, living for oneself becomes unattainable because this way of thinking is so ingrained in us.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about questioning the way every family educates their little ones. Rather, it’s about the way we see things. It’s as if, from birth, we’ve been conditioned to live for others and not for ourselves. And yet, if we’re here on earth, it’s to fulfill ourselves by accomplishing a very precise mission. No one but ourselves can do this, and we are the sole masters of our destiny.

Living for yourself: the choice is yours

Society has a tendency to impose its regime on us, its way of doing things. Even if it has nothing to do with the situation, it will always have something to say about it. So it’s best to live by your own choice.

Human beings have had a brain and reasoning capacity since conception. This is what differentiates us from other living beings: the fact that we can choose and judge for ourselves. So why do we let others decide for us? You have the same powers as everyone else. Living for yourself is up to you. You have the ability to choose: the choice to say yes or no, the choice to do or not to do, the choice to stay or to leave, etc. Whatever you decide, no one can stop you. Whatever your decision, no one can question it, regardless of their status or place in your life. But you have to accept it. After all, whatever you decide, there will always be a consequence, whether good or bad.

The advantages of living by your choices

There are many advantages to living for yourself. The most obvious are improved mood and increased energy. However, the benefits you can reap can touch even wider areas. These include

Improved productivity. When you learn to say “no” to things that overwhelm you, and start making time for more important things, you become better able to focus your goals and concentrate on what you’re doing.
Building self-esteem. Living for yourself and putting your own needs first sends a positive message to your subconscious. Specifically, you treat yourself as if you have importance and intrinsic value. This can go a long way to discouraging negative self-talk and your critical inner voice.
Increasing self-awareness. Choosing your life requires thinking about what you really enjoy doing. Determining what you’re passionate about and inspired by can help you understand yourself better. Sometimes, it can even trigger a career change or a redefinition of priorities.
Increased altruism. Living for yourself allows you to work on yourself. As a result, it gives you the resources you need to be compassionate towards others too. Having empathy is a bit like filling a bucket; you can’t fill someone else’s if you don’t have enough of your own! If you persist in helping others when you don’t even care about your own life, it will only create frustration and jealousy within you.

The best tips for living your life

There are many different ways to live for yourself and achieve positive results. The ones listed below are just a few tips to help you live your life to the full.

MAKE YOUR LIFE YOUR OWN
Even if you feel you’re not supposed to, forget about the “shoulds” and “musts” – all those rules that don’t come from you.

DEFINE WHAT LIFE MEANS TO YOU
In reality, this isn’t as difficult as it sounds. What words would you use to describe the way you’ve lived and who you were as a person? To live for yourself, imagine yourself at the end of your life looking back. You can also find your way by answering this question: “What would you do if you only had 24 hours to live?” Then you won’t have to worry about other people’s judgments, and you’ll do everything you can to realize your dreams and do what you really want to do.

STOP LIVING IN THE FUTURE
Every time you think “one day” or “when I have the time, I’ll do it”, stop. Living for yourself happens now. Instead, ask yourself, “Why not now?” Similarly, choose to start a new life every morning. Plan one thing you will do today to feel more “alive”.

GET AWAY FROM NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
Let go of your anger and pain. Carrying around these negative feelings makes life harder and less fun. What’s more, they don’t bring anything to the table, yet they’re very costly both physically and mentally. By carefully choosing what fuels us, we’ll be able to live fully for ourselves.

DON’T DISCUSS THINGS YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT
Unless there’s a real threat, let people who have something to prove do so. After all, why waste your time trying to fix what’s wrong with them? Don’t bother justifying yourself to them as long as you’re not at fault.

ENCOURAGE POSITIVE ENERGY
Focus on forgiveness and love, then opt for problem-solving. Being constantly on the defensive is not living for yourself. It’s hiding from life and wasting your existence.

TAKE SMALL RISKS THAT PUSH YOUR LIMITS IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY
Be brave and seize every opportunity that comes your way. Being courageous means taking action even when you’re afraid. Opportunities exist for you to take advantage of them, so instead of listening to the negative opinions of others, listen to yourself. The joy of living is filled with learning that matches our skills. When we decide to improve ourselves intellectually, physically, emotionally, that’s when we grow.

VALUE AND PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES
Living for yourself in no way means neglecting others. On the contrary, you need to make sure you become a person they’re happy to spend time with. It can be extremely rewarding.

HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF
Of all the tips we’ve given you, this is the most important one of all, the one you need to remember in your head. A lack of self-confidence breeds enormous unease within us. We easily doubt what we do, and we’re easily influenced. To regain your self-confidence, improve your self-image. Living for yourself will come naturally with good self-esteem.

STAY AWAY FROM TOXIC PEOPLE
It’s best to banish, if possible, those categories of people who only meanly criticize your life. They offer no constructive criticism. They’re just there to emanate negative vibes. Your self-esteem could be severely damaged the longer you associate with them.

Live your life according to your choices: take action

It’s all very well to motivate yourself and decide in your head to do something different from living for others. However, living for yourself is only possible on one condition: action.

Now you know why your life isn’t what it should be. You know how to solve this problem, so take action and don’t wait for a miracle. Destiny is in your hands. Of course, changing habits isn’t easy. It takes time and willpower, but it’s possible.