When you have an invasive mother-in-law, it can be a real problem for your relationship. In fact, many people, often women, want to know how to get rid of her and make her understand that she’s too much. In real life, it’s a tricky business. The subject needs to be handled with tact and intelligence. I invite you to read this article to find out more.

How to recognize an invasive mother-in-law?

From the one who slyly succeeds in influencing her daughter to the one who won’t leave her daughter-in-law any peace, it’s clear that the plague of the invasive mother-in-law is a reality. We’re talking about the mother of one of the spouses who can’t keep a proper distance from her child’s home. She does everything she can to interfere in the child’s conjugal life. She’s intrusive, manipulative, possessive, jealous and sometimes hateful. This situation is particularly common and predictable between a daughter and her mother-in-law. Nevertheless, in many cases, the invasive mother-in-law is the spouse’s mother.

Generally speaking, an intrusive mother-in-law :

Wants to control what happens in her child’s home;
Comes unannounced and may make a long stay just to take care of her son or daughter;
Spends her time making disparaging remarks and saying hurtful things to her daughter-in-law;
Questions son-in-law’s or daughter-in-law’s choices and decisions;
Wants things done her way (cooking, dressing, tidying up, running the house…).

Understanding why my mother-in-law is intrusive

If it sometimes seems that an intrusive mother-in-law takes pleasure in making the home unlivable for their daughter-in-law, understand that it’s not always on purpose. Some mothers are simply overprotective. Mama hens forget that their son is now “grown-up”. They also can’t accept that a “stranger” has come to take their place when they’ve been the only woman in their son’s life until now. They feel that you’ve stolen the love of their beloved child.

So, subconsciously, the invading mother-in-law is competing with you. She wants to continue caring for her son as she always has. Unfortunately, this leads to behaviors and attitudes that can hurt and damage the relationship.

Then there are the mothers-in-law who don’t like you at all, for one reason or another. No matter what you do, she’ll always criticize you. They’re just tyrannical, dishonest and jealous.

What really matters, however, is how to handle such a situation. We all agree that it’s likely to generate tension within the couple. Finding a solution becomes urgent.

Preventing and combating the invasive mother-in-law: 4 tips

It can never be said often enough: prevention is better than cure. This is particularly true when every member of the household is responsible for its protection. For women in couples, the best posture is one in which you simply prevent any invasion from taking place. This means stopping yourself from doing certain things.

BE THE WIFE, NOT THE MOTHER, TO YOUR PARTNER
Here’s a big mistake not to make if you want to Avoid the onslaught of the invasive mother-in-law. Acting like a mother to your partner may not bother him or her. But it’s not in your best interest. By taking on this role, you’re unconsciously putting yourself in competition with someone else: your mother-in-law. You’re encouraging her to think of you as her rival, which is of no benefit whatsoever. Far from it! Who knows, she may have better luck than you in this role, which isn’t even yours. But she certainly doesn’t stand a chance as a companion, because she can’t be one! So don’t get confused. Be the wife and don’t try to take your mother-in-law’s place as mother.

AVOID GETTING OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW
In life, it’s always best to make potential enemies into allies when you can. So, to avoid having an intrusive mother-in-law, you can start early by making sure you have her as an ally. That way, she’ll learn to love and respect you. That way, the urge to make your home a living hell may well pass. In short, make sure your mother-in-law likes and respects you.

To achieve this, you need to get to know your mother-in-law’s nature right from the start, so that she accepts you. Most intrusive mothers-in-law are intrusive simply because they don’t appreciate their daughters-in-law. They haven’t been able to soften their hearts. So there’s no point in behaving in such a way as to turn them against you.

MAKE YOUR HUSBAND AN ALLY IN DEALING WITH YOUR INVASIVE MOTHER-IN-LAW
When your husband’s mother is invasive and upsets your marital intimacy, it’s not the son you have to turn against. Some mothers-in-law are so clever and cunning that they barely let their malice show in front of their sons. Behind them, however, they are a living hell for their daughters-in-law. The latter, feeling trapped and hurt, turn against their husbands. They resent their husbands for not seeing or understanding what’s going on. But you should know, ladies, that they don’t really understand, and by doing so, you’re not making things any better.

First of all, the one greatest ally you can have in resisting an invasive mother-in-law is your husband. This is precisely why the mother-in-law works to turn him against you. If he’s with you, you’ve already won. So it’s vital to be wise and not fall into the trap. By turning against him, you risk losing him and giving the other side an advantage. Patience in this case, as the last tip provides the solution.

SET RESPECTFUL RULES AND LIMITS
Everyone has to fight to keep their home safe. And the best weapon you have as a couple is communication. If you haven’t set limits with your partner to prevent encroachment, you need to communicate. When things aren’t going well and you feel the onslaught of your mother-in-law, you mustn’t stay silent. Inform your husband and show him the urgency of his intervention. He’ll understand and probably act.

If he doesn’t, you’ll have to make your own arrangements. Either you take the bull by the horns, or you’ll live unhappily in your own home. But you’ll have to be very tactful. First of all, avoid letting your invasive mother-in-law see that her attacks are having an effect on you. Don’t let your anger get the better of you, and keep smiling. Don’t show signs of stress. It could make her tired and give up.

Also, when necessary, use your authority. However, always make sure that this earns you points rather than losing them. There’s no point doing it when, for example, your husband is around and may be indisposed.

In short, the worry of the invasive mother-in-law is an unpleasant reality in many households. It’s a phenomenon that needs to be wisely prevented with your spouse. When this option fails, you have to do your best to free yourself from it.