Sexual, eating, anger, spending… drives can take many forms. Impulses are part of our humanity and an integral part of life: everyone, big or small, is bound to have experienced an impulse situation. In such a context, the tension has to be released, and it’s often difficult to control one’s impulses. Yet knowing how to channel this strong feeling is essential.

If everyone relieved their impulses at every turn, life would become a veritable hustle and bustle. It’s not easy to control urges, but with a little willpower, you can do it.

What is the drive?

Before getting to the heart of the matter, we need to know what drive is. It’s defined as that powerful feeling of fulfilling a desire that you feel deep down inside. It may seem impossible to control your impulses, as the feeling intensifies to a crescendo. So important is it to realize the desire it calls for, in order to relieve the tension.

Where do urges come from?

Most impulses come from the unconscious. But despite their unthinking nature, they are entirely controllable. Impulses arise when we are confronted with a pleasant or, on the contrary, unpleasant situation. In the first instance, this situation will create happy emotions such as joy, satisfaction or pride. We need to control our impulses in other, less happy situations, such as when we’re sad, angry, guilty or afraid.

Freud classified drives into 2 basic categories:

Life drives: libido, sexuality, self-preservation.
Death drives: anger, aggression, suicide.

Each drive has four characteristics:

Source: excitation of a particular body organ.
Thrust: this is the drive itself.
The goal: this is the end sought to appease the sensation.
The object: this is the means used to discharge the impulse.

To master your impulses, it’s essential to determine these four characteristics for each case.

Let’s take the example of a food drive. The source is the stomach, which demands food. The impulse is the drive itself, the need to eat. The goal is to eat, and the object is food.

Note that particularly sensitive people are the weakest in the face of impulses, as they often let themselves be carried away by their emotions and the needs they dictate. For this type of person, channelling the impulse is one of the most difficult tasks.

MASTERING URGES: FIRST IDENTIFY THE URGE IN QUESTION
Impulse can manifest itself in many different ways. While the word “drive” often brings libido to mind, there are many other types of drive.

The spending impulse: the need to spend money, even on frivolous items.
The food drive: often associated with snacking, this is when we feel we must always have something to eat.
But there’s also the housekeeping impulse, when a person feels an excessive need to clean and tidy up.
The angry impulse: controlling impulses in this case is often the hardest part. The angry impulse has several manifestations, depending on the person concerned. Some swear, while others break and destroy everything they can get their hands on. The manifestation is always very violent and aggressive.
The suicidal impulse: this is undoubtedly the most serious case. Suicidal impulses often manifest themselves in individuals suffering from anxiety or depression. It manifests itself in the form of self-mutilation. It’s not uncommon for people with this kind of impulse to have had a close brush with death.

Why control your impulses?

HARMONY IN SOCIAL LIFE
As human beings, we can be described as impulse-driven. In other words, we always do everything we can to satisfy our desires, whatever they may be. But as human beings, we mustn’t forget that we are still individuals living in a society. The channelling of impulses is an important part of this social life. We owe it to ourselves to respect others, in order to guarantee the harmony of life in society. That’s why it’s so important to control our impulses.

WHEN “IMPULSE CONTROL” RHYMES WITH “CREATIVITY”
In some cases, restraining one’s impulses is a real advantage. One example is the development of creativity. In effect, the restrained impulse is transformed into a source of creativity. The effort involved in channelling one’s impulses will push the individual to occupy his thoughts in a different way: in this case, by making art or any other form of creative activity.

DEVELOPING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotional intelligence is defined as an individual’s ability to understand and analyze his or her own emotions and those of others. Controlling one’s impulses also means developing emotional intelligence. A person who knows how to control his or her impulses is therefore better able to develop self-knowledge, maintain motivation, show empathy and become more responsible. Thanks to emotional intelligence, people will remain aware that there are other people around them. They will therefore make an effort to channel their impulses so as not to disturb others around them. Restraining impulses is also a way of forging an individual’s social skills. Managing conflict and maintaining human relations are therefore advantages of being able to control one’s impulses.

A GREAT LIFE LESSON FOR CHILDREN
Children need to learn to control their impulses from an early age. Indeed, young children are the most likely to suffer from impulsive outbursts, as they don’t yet know how to channel their emotions properly. By teaching them to curb their impulses, in addition to teaching them to remain in control of their bodies in the face of emotion, you’re also teaching them to reason for themselves. Indeed, when you teach a child to control his impulses, he’ll try to understand why he shouldn’t react one way or another.

CONTAINING IMPULSES FOR SELF-CARE
Impulse control is essential for the preservation of our own physical and mental health. As in the case of the suicidal impulse mentioned above, it is more than important to know how to channel one’s impulses in order to avoid the worst – in this case, death.

In other cases, there are those who fall victim to an eating impulse when they are stressed or sad. In such a situation, it’s vital to control these impulses, or risk becoming obese through overeating. Stress and weight gain are closely linked, but there are many ways to combat the situation.

In short, channelling our impulses has many advantages, both for our bodies and for the people around us. It helps develop self-control, reasoning, empathy and social communication skills. Whatever the type of impulse, controlling it makes for a more serene life.

Controlling urges: some practical advice

Impulses stem from strong emotions and intense feelings. But channeling your impulses doesn’t mean totally forgetting or renouncing the emotion you’re feeling. For example: you can be green with rage at someone without jumping on them to strangle them. Or you can be ecstatic without having to jump up and down or shout for joy – literally – everywhere to express it. Channelling your impulses means always feeling that intense feeling while controlling your desires. Whether it’s a life or death drive, here are a few practical tips to help you master your impulses.

INTRODUCING SELF-CONTROL FROM AN EARLY AGE
A child’s impulsive reactions are often first noticed when he or she is two years old. In fact, specialists have dubbed this period of a child’s life the “terrible two”. The two-year crisis manifests itself in a number of ways, most notably when we don’t give in to the whims of a manipulative child. If, for example, the child asks for a piece of candy and you refuse, the child will start screaming, breaking things, throwing his toys everywhere or pulling his hair. It’s vital to teach your child to control his or her impulses, so that this kind of situation doesn’t persist into the future.

Children are very receptive. Learning is best anchored at an early age. To introduce children to self-control and teach them to control their emotional impulses, you first need to teach them to identify what they’re feeling. Explain that there are many other ways of expressing anger, such as communicating calmly. Encourage him to communicate with you. A child who knows how to control his impulses is more likely to develop social relationships and perform better at school. Remember to reward or congratulate your child when he or she is able to deal with his or her impulses by remaining calm.

STEP BACK
When you feel you’re experiencing impulsive feelings, take a step back! Isolate yourself for a moment, away from the world, away from whatever has created the emotion that’s causing the impulse in you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose and exhale gently through your mouth. This will calm you down. To control your urges, why not discuss them with someone close to you? Talking openly about it can take your mind off the tension.

Step back and rationalize. You can take stock of the situation yourself. This allows you to weigh up the pros and cons of acting impulsively. Think of the consequences if you give in to the impulse… In most cases, the results are never good when you give in to your impulses.

LEARN TO KEEP QUIET TO CONTROL YOUR URGES
For some people, the angry impulse manifests itself in the expression of shameless insults. Whether it’s swearing in between sentences or deliberately insulting others around them – even strangers – rude words remain unpleasant and show a poor image of the person. People with this kind of impulse need to learn to keep their mouths shut. Indeed, while it’s often said that it’s important to express how you feel by talking to someone close to you, in some cases, silence is better than words.

CONTROL YOUR IMPULSES WITH SPORT
This tip is dedicated in particular to those who have angry impulses that manifest themselves in the desire to break everything. To help you channel these impulses, sport can help. When you feel you’re about to “explode” and break everything because of anger, go for a run! No matter how many miles you run, don’t stop until you feel calm again. Alternatively, you could have sports equipment at home.

When it comes to controlling impulses through sport, many people hit a sandbag to calm their nerves. It’s a way of avoiding breaking things in anger. So if you’ve got a garage or spare room in your house, and you’ve got angry impulses, consider hanging a sandbag on it to help you restrain your destructive urges.

RELAXATION THERAPIES
There are many different types of therapy to help you keep your cool in the face of impulsive emotions. The main relaxation therapies for controlling impulses are :

Music therapy. Music relaxes and helps secrete the happiness hormone serotonin. You can create your own “happiness playlist” of your favorite or relaxing music, and listen to it when you feel the impulse rising to calm it.
Art therapy. Drawing, dancing or singing, art therapy is an effective way of containing the impulse by keeping your hands and thoughts busy elsewhere. You can also use art to control your impulses through writing: this allows you to verbalize the emotion instead of expressing it with your body’s impulses. Keep a small notebook with you at all times to record your impulsive reactions.
Yoga and other gentle gymnastics. The effectiveness of these age-old practices in promoting self-control and channelling emotions is well known. You can attend weekly therapies. But as the impulse can arrive at any moment, all you have to do is put into practice the advice received during the sessions to contain it.

SEE A PSYCHOANALYST TO LEARN HOW TO CONTROL URGES
In some cases, when impulses are excessively impulsive, this is qualified as a serious case. People suffering from this kind of impulsive reaction are considered psychopathological. The situation can cause great embarrassment. In the worst case, it can lead to a real social handicap, as society will tend to exclude this kind of person, qualified as a nuisance to the community. For better social integration, but also to boost self-confidence, such a person can rely on psychoanalysts to teach them how to control their impulses.

So, are you an impulsive person? How do your impulses manifest themselves, and what do you do about them?