When you’ve been together for a long time, routine can creep up on you. Without realizing it, you stop making plans for each other. Like an impromptu weekend at the seaside or little gifts slipped under the pillow, just for the fun of it. Rest assured, routine in itself isn’t all bad. It helps the couple to stick together, thanks to the little habits acquired over years of living together.

But when you start to get bored or start dreaming of a different life, it’s time to do something to break the routine.

Why is routine common in couples?

Like a grain of sand, routine gradually settles in after years of living together. Even those who used to live their relationship at 100 miles an hour can’t escape it. We know each other by heart, we see each other every day and we no longer bother to surprise each other. And yet, for a relationship to last, the initial flame must never be extinguished. And for that, there are no 36 solutions. You can’t get bored of each other, otherwise you’re in a rut as a couple. Netflix evenings are fine, but only once in a while. You’re a couple, not a no-go. So we reserve those tête-à-têtes in the living room for when it’s raining or when we’re really tired.

The problem after several years in a relationship, especially when you’re married, is that you take each other for granted. We no longer make an effort to please them, we even neglect ourselves. We get into the bad habit of staying in our pyjamas all day, brushing our teeth together… Small, harmless gestures that can become love killers.

When children arrive, the couple’s routine becomes more insistent. You have more responsibilities, so you don’t have time to think about yourself, let alone your life as a couple. And what can we say when we’re working together! Conversation at home revolves around it. Little kisses on the neck for no reason? Forget it! Movie dates? Out! How many truly loving couples have been destroyed because they no longer took the time to think about and care for each other?

When a couple is in a rut, it’s time to act before it’s too late.

How can you recognize that routine has taken over your relationship?

Boredom, longing for something else… there are certain signs that a routine has set in. If you’re experiencing any of these moments, your relationship may be slipping into routine.

COMMUNICATION IS AT A STANDSTILL
You used to be able to talk for hours on end. You’d even forget to sleep. Today, you barely speak at all. And even then, it’s to ask what you’re going to have for dinner. When a couple is in a state of routine, questions about what each of you did during the day become distant memories. The same goes for what he or she did while out with friends. And when o miracle, you do decide to talk, you tire of it after a while. The only thing you’re both looking forward to? For the other person to get his or her blah-blah-blah over with, so you can get on with your show or whatever it was you were doing.

It seems that everyone lives their life on their own. When you’re in a rut as a couple, you live together because you’ve got the kids and it’s not easy to find a decent apartment if you don’t have a roommate. When you can’t communicate any more, you really have to take the bull by the horns if you don’t want to spoil that beautiful love story that started out like a fairy tale.

MOMENTS UNDER THE COMFORTER ARE A BORE
But love and tenderness aren’t the only things that hold a couple together. Sex is just as important, and when a couple’s routine starts to get in the way of their sex life, all that’s left risks collapsing like a house of cards.

Moments of intimacy help to foster complicity. It’s in bed that you reveal yourself to your partner and confide your desires and dreams. But when you no longer take the time to talk during the day, moments together at night are experienced as a conjugal duty. You make love because that’s what couples do. When it’s routine for a couple, the desire to reach out to each other, to caress each other’s bodies and kiss each other has long since melted away.

You barely touch each other once a week, or worse, once a month, whereas before, a furtive touch was enough to set off all your senses. As soon as you could, it was off for a ride to seventh heaven. Sometimes it’s even two. I can’t wait for it to be over, is what everyone says when it’s routine in the relationship.

So it’s imperative to act as quickly as possible to prevent this boredom from turning into a desire to go elsewhere. If that happens, your relationship could be shattered forever, because forgiving infidelity isn’t easy.

YOU’D RATHER BE ELSEWHERE THAN WITH HIM/HER
This is a sure sign. If you’re having more fun at work or with other people, then your relationship is on the rocks. Remember how hard it was for you to separate in the beginning? You were so stuck together that all your friends called you Siamese twins. Today, the couple’s routine has set in and you’re bored because every day is the same. You even know your weekends in advance. Never any surprises, never anything unexpected, always the same activities…

And that’s when things start to go wrong. To get away from this routine, you improvise outings on your own or with friends. You start to enjoy these moments without your partner. It’s no longer with your other half that you have the giggles. Coming home becomes increasingly difficult. Without realizing it, you find yourself in someone else’s arms.

How can you break the routine in your relationship?

By getting bogged down in routine, a couple can become unfulfilled and end up breaking up. It’s imperative to break this routine to avoid reaching the point of no return. The good news is that getting out of routine is simple. You just have to want it.

COMMUNICATE
Lack of communication is a couple’s first enemy. Over the years, we’ve become so accustomed to each other that we find it superfluous to talk. To avoid falling into a rut, or to break a couple’s routine, you need to relearn how to communicate. Big discussions that last until 3 a.m. and end up under the comforter need to become a habit again. Even if nothing special has happened during the day, talk about it. Talking is a way of showing your love for your partner.

Talk about anything and everything, just as you did at the start of your relationship, even negative things. The mistake is to continue living separately. Every day, take at least half an hour to talk. During meals, put aside your tablet and phone and talk. Before going to bed, do the same to avoid falling into a habit. Make it a ritual, like brushing your teeth.

IMPROVISE TO AVOID ROUTINE AS A COUPLE
Today’s pace of life doesn’t leave much room for improvisation. Every day is set like a well-oiled clock. But to avoid jeopardizing your relationship, you both need to take things in hand. Say goodbye to weekends in pyjamas in front of a Netflix series, and forget the evenings when one is in the bedroom and the other in the living room. Now it’s time to make room for the unknown.

On the spur of the moment, go on a romantic getaway to the sea, the mountains… to break the couple’s routine. Whatever the destination, the important thing is that it’s just the two of you, far from the daily grind. Don’t plan anything. Take advantage of this break to rediscover your other half. And invent things to do, laugh and talk about… By the end of your vacation, you’ll be looking forward to doing it all over again.

When you get home, keep laughing together, sharing time with each other or with the kids. Why not organize family games on Saturday or Sunday? Then finish the day at the park instead of staying at home watching the same movies. Routine as a couple is not only detrimental to married life, but also to family life.

GET AWAY FROM IT ALL TO FIND EACH OTHER BETTER
It’s good to get away from your partner once in a while. Indeed, to flourish, everyone needs their own secret garden and a certain amount of freedom. It may seem contradictory to everything that’s been said before (sharing more time together to laugh and communicate), but marriage isn’t a prison.

Plan your own day out with friends, say once a month. It’s important to create a gap when there’s a certain routine in the couple. This will make the reunion all the more enjoyable. Then, if you haven’t had anything interesting to talk about for a while, these days will be the start of a long series of stories to tell each other.

If you particularly enjoyed the activities you did during your single day, relive them with your other half. You’ll see that you’ll have even more fun.

Continuing to share activities after years of love is one of the keys to a fulfilling relationship. But if your partner doesn’t enjoy them, don’t force him or her. You’ll find plenty of other things to do.

INVITING ROMANCE INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Romanticism when you’ve been chasing business meetings and household chores all day? Very few couples even think about it. With the lights out, everyone snores away, hoping to recover enough to start all over again the next day.

But at least once a week, plan a romantic dinner out. Wear your best clothes as if you were going on a first date. And pretend you don’t know each other yet. Neither your tastes in food nor your preferences in drinks.

To break the couple’s routine, follow dinner at the restaurant with a hand-in-hand stroll. Then stop to dance in front of a musician. To take it a step further, kiss each other on the neck, behind the ears and exchange long, lingering kisses. Pretend you’re the cast of a romantic movie.

Even at home, get back into the habit of kissing in the morning before going to work. In the evening, do the same. You’re a couple, not roommates.

FUN IN BED
During the day, let everyone know that tonight is not like any other night, to break the couple’s routine. When the time comes, get everything ready in the bedroom. Candles, incense, flowers… all the senses need to be awakened. Do some stripteases, a languorous dance, give each other a massage, take a shower together… whisper sweet nothings in each other’s ears, play during foreplay. These should last as long as possible to maintain desire.

If you’ve been going “straight to the point” to get to sleep as quickly as possible, take the time to caress your other half to rediscover him/her. Try out new positions…