At some point in our lives, we are all victims of fear. It’s part of us, like ferocity seizes a hungry lion. Fear of rejection, fear of being humiliated, are fears that are very present in people suffering from specific disorders. One of the most terrifying and difficult to live with is avoidant personality disorder. It causes you to isolate yourself and avoid social contact, preventing you from realizing your full potential.

Let’s take a closer look at the characteristics of this disorder and how to treat it.

Some symptoms of avoidant personality disorder

A person with avoidant personality disorder is emotionally sensitive. They fear rejection and criticism. They will also have a sense of incapacity. In other words, they will doubt themselves, be afraid to make decisions or take action.

Here are some of the most common symptoms:

Lack of self-confidence
Avoidance of decisions
Avoidance of certain situations for fear of rejection
Compelling need to be appreciated
Fear of social situations
Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
Self-isolation
Sees self as socially incompetent

A person with an avoidant personality also has low self-esteem. They also have difficulty trusting others. Indeed, they may have misinterpreted certain social situations and conclude too quickly that a person or situation is bad. Furthermore, she will avoid entering into conflict, hence her isolation. To gain acceptance, she will try to please others, which will force her to change who she is.

Probably the most significant symptom is fear of criticism or rejection. A person with this disorder will avoid all situations where he or she might be criticized or rejected. More often than not, they withdraw into themselves, isolate themselves, side with the strongest and avoid giving their point of view, because they always feel inferior to others.

A sign that may be difficult to associate with an avoidant personality is the fear of leaving one’s comfort zone. Indeed, we’ve all been afraid to leave our comfort zone. People suffering from social anxiety also find it difficult to leave their comfort zone. A person with this disorder will also prefer spaces in which they feel comfortable.

How is the disorder diagnosed?

There is a basic set of criteria for diagnosing a person suffering from a psychological illness. They are defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and are established by a mental health professional.

The first signs are usually symptoms of social anxiety, i.e. fear of social contact, extreme shyness, fear of rejection and fear of making decisions. Here are some of the criteria that can be found in this manual:

Avoidance of intimate relationships for fear of ridicule or humiliation
Preoccupation with criticism or rejection in social situations
Avoidance of professional activities involving significant social contact for fear of criticism or rejection
Reluctance to take risks or do new things
Feeling of social incompetence

Avoidant personality disorder and social anxiety disorder

There are, however, certain differences, even though the symptoms may be similar. The main difference lies in the cause. Social anxiety is caused by high levels of anxiety. The other is caused by feelings of worthlessness, such as inferiority, fear of rejection, fear of being judged by others, low self-esteem or extreme shyness…

Because of the great similarity between the two, some consider Avoidant Personality Disorder to be a more severe form of Social Anxiety Disorder. However, it’s not out of the question to be diagnosed as suffering from both disorders at the same time.

Why social inhibition?

Social inhibition is caused by experiences of extreme anxiety and shyness. This may have begun in childhood, with traumatic experiences that are at the root of social phobia. On the other hand, people with this disorder tend to rely excessively on others. This creates a strong dependence on others for decision-making.

Whether it’s dependent personality disorder, social anxiety disorder or borderline personality disorder, the symptoms are widely shared. When making a diagnosis, it is therefore possible to make a mistake or to fail to give a complete diagnosis. This is why people suffering from this disorder are often not identified or are classified with other more common disorders.

What triggers avoidant personality disorder?

External abuse can be a trigger for this disorder. In addition to genetic factors, environmental, social and psychological factors may also be involved. By environmental, social and psychological factors, we mean everything that’s due to the environment, the conditions in which we’ve grown up and the values inculcated from an early age.

External triggers include:

Criticism: having been the target of criticism can make you more introverted, with a fear of social contact.
Emotional abuse: Insults, criticism and manipulation are examples of emotional abuse.
Lack of affection: Growing up without the support of a parent, or absent parents for example.

Traumatic experiences in social situations can also be triggers. Avoidant personality sufferers may have always been very shy when they were younger. This shyness hasn’t improved as they’ve grown older, and in some cases can even paralyze them.

It should be remembered, however, that the conditions for the development of this disorder can be similar to other disorders such as borderline personality disorder, depression, dependent personality disorder and social anxiety disorder. It’s possible to make the wrong diagnosis, but treating one disorder can be just as effective in treating another.

Avoidant personality: the difficulties encountered

People suffering from this disorder face a number of difficulties that make life more difficult. They suffer from extreme shyness, fear of rejection and low self-esteem. They are emotionally fragile and sometimes develop symptoms of depression.

Difficulty in social relations: They are afraid of rejection, which is why they find it hard to make contact with others.
Social isolation: They avoid social interaction for fear of judgment and humiliation. This is why they prefer to keep to themselves.
Self-censorship and inhibition: Fear of rejection can lead to excessive self-censorship, limiting risk-taking and self-expression.
Impact on professional life: It hasn’t been said enough, but their professional life is made difficult by their fear of the crisis. This limits their opportunities for advancement.
Generalized anxiety: people with avoidant personality disorder may experience generalized anxiety in many everyday situations. This can have an impact on their emotional well-being.

How can we best help people with this disorder?

There are a number of things you can do to help people suffering from this disorder. It’s a disorder that can be overcome with love, attention and availability. These people are fragile, but they can become stronger with your help. Here are some tips to help people with avoidant personality :

It’s important for them to know that they can be best supported by a psychologist or psychiatrist. They should be encouraged to seek professional help. They can also follow self-esteem-building programs offered by personal development coaches.
Practice active listening: They fear judgment and rejection. Become the person who is ready to accept them as they are by practicing active listening. Show them that what they think or feel matters to you, as does their well-being. Simply become the shoulder they can lean on or the ear they can confide in.
Be patient with them: Don’t pressure them. Let them build up their self-confidence gradually. Social interaction isn’t easy for them, so give them time to adjust. Take the temperature of what they’re feeling and move forward with them, hand in hand.
Encourage gradual social interaction: Help them to socialize gradually. This can start between you and them, then between them and your circle of friends. Gradually, the person with avoidant personality disorder will begin to enjoy social interaction.
Foster a tolerant environment; make her feel accepted and respected in your circle of influence. You need to both protect and reassure her, so that she gains in confidence and self-assurance.

I have an avoidant personality: What should I do?

First of all, it would be beneficial for you to be accompanied by a mental health specialist. But in addition to this support, there are a number of things you can do to take care of yourself.

SEEK OUT A SOCIAL LIFE
It’s very important to seek out a social life. You can choose between isolation and social contact. I strongly recommend the latter. Isolation won’t improve your situation, it will only make it worse.

You can have a social life, either professionally or personally. At work, you can learn to work as part of a team, even if you like to work alone. Strive to be an active participant in meetings, a colleague who takes an interest in the company’s development and success. Take an active interest in the lives of your colleagues. Above all, don’t put pressure on yourself. Take it easy and get a little more involved in your professional life every day or week.

On a personal level, try to build strong relationships. Learn to make friends. Get out of your house to see new people, whether in parks, concerts, the cinema, street performances, etc. In short, do your best to make new friends.

You can start by improving your social life with members who are very close to you. You can start by improving your social life with the members who are closest to you, then widen this circle as you go along.

Bear in mind, however, that it’s not the number of friends that counts, but their quality. You can have a true friend with whom you’ll experience great things, someone who’ll give you advice and comfort when you’re not feeling well.

AVOIDANT PERSONALITY: OVERCOMING THE FEAR OF REJECTION
If certain people reject you, it means they don’t deserve to be part of your life. It also means that they’re not the right people for you, or, in other words, that the right people exist somewhere.

You can’t please everyone, but don’t assume that everyone will reject you. It can take time to find the right people. So be patient and, above all, resilient. It’s often said that the best is yet to comeTo overcome the fear of rejection, you also need to remember that nobody is perfect. People who reject you aren’t necessarily better than you. Maybe you are, but don’t let your fear paralyze you.