For some women, penetrative sex is harmless. For others, it’s a real source of fear. Fear of penetration is a fear that can be particularly disabling in sexual terms. It can extend beyond the sexual realm to include a fear of inserting anything into the vagina (tampon, finger or speculum). It can even lead to a complete inability to have sexual intercourse, which has a name: vaginismus.

In this article, I’m going to give you 4 exercises that will help you overcome the fear of penetration, but before I do, it’s important that I first tell you about the origins of the fear of penetration.
Fear of penetration is not insurmountable. With the exercises I’m about to tell you about, you’ll be able to overcome it.

Fear of penetration: Where does it come from?

Fear of penetration has many origins. The ones I’m going to talk about are the most common:

A painful and/or traumatic first time: We all experience the first time differently. For some, it was a good experience. For others, it was a very painful or even traumatic experience. Women who experience such a first time may develop a real fear of penetration for fear of feeling pain again.

Sexual trauma (rape, sexual assault, sexual touching, gynaecological and obstetric violence): Such traumas, if profound reconstruction work is not carried out, can generate a phobia of sexual intercourse with penetration. In the case of such trauma, the brain no longer distinguishes between “healthy” sexual intercourse and non-consensual, traumatic intercourse. Gynaecological and obstetric violence can lead women who have been subjected to it to no longer trust anyone with their intimate area.
A taboo sexual upbringing: A woman who grew up in a family where sex was a taboo or even forbidden subject may have a very negative image of sexuality. As a result, she may be overwhelmed by guilt when the time comes for her to take pleasure alone or with a partner.
Lack of body awareness: Many women have a distorted view of their sex. For the most part, they’ve never explored or looked at it. They may imagine that their vagina is too small or too narrow to accommodate a penis.
Fear of pregnancy: Fear of penetration can also stem from a general fear of pregnancy. The woman who suffers from it can’t see herself having penetrative sex for fear of becoming pregnant.
Fear of bleeding: For some women, penetration is associated with blood. They imagine that they’ll bleed during penetration, especially their first time. Of course, first-time bleeding can happen, but it’s not systematic.
Fear of pain: Fear of pain is a fear that can arise after childbirth, for example. But it’s also a fear that can appear long before sexual activity begins. Many women are afraid of being in pain the first time around, and therefore dread penetration.
Fear of catching an STI: Some women may associate penetration with the possibility of catching an STI.

Fear of penetration: Exercises to overcome it

EXERCISE 1: POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS
Positive affirmations are a highly effective exercise for overcoming fear. It involves saying or writing positive phrases to express what you want to happen in your life.
This exercise is based on 3 principles. A positive affirmation must always :

Be written in the first person (you must speak or write them for yourself)
Be written in the present tense (no use of the conditional.
Be positive (No use of negatives)

Women who are afraid of penetration often have thoughts in their heads like:
“It might hurt”
“I might bleed”.
“I’m not supposed to enjoy myself”.
“My vagina is too small to accommodate a penis”.
“I don’t feel capable of penetration”.
“I’m afraid of hurting like last time”
“It won’t work this time”
“I feel incapable”
“What if I get pregnant as a result of this intercourse? What will I do?”

What do all these phrases have in common? They’re all negative. Not only are they negative, but they also keep those who say them inactive.

Here are some examples of positive affirmations that could replace the above sentences:
“I feel pleasure at the moment of penetration”.
“I enjoy making love to my partner”.
“My vagina is big enough for a penis”.
“My vagina is soft and elastic”
“I deserve to have a fulfilling sexuality”
“I welcome my partner’s penis with joy”
“I feel safe with my partner
“I allow myself to let go”

And many more…

These positive affirmations are just examples. You are free to create the affirmations you wish, as long as they are written in the present tense, for you and without negation. The aim of this exercise is to get your brain used to thinking in a positive way, and thus to manifest the desired situation: in this case, no longer being afraid of penetration. It’s highly likely that you won’t be convinced of these statements at first. s of these statements at first.
But as you practice the exercise, the affirmations will make sense to you and become reality.

EXERCISE 2: CREATIVE VISUALIZATION
Creative visualization is an exercise that consists in imagining as vividly and precisely as possible a situation or objective that we would like to see realized in real life. This exercise involves not only visualizing the situation with sight, but also with the other 4 senses (hearing, smell, taste and touch). In other words, you need to visualize the situation or objective in as much detail as possible.
To carry out this exercise, you need to :

Sit or lie down in a quiet place (whichever is most comfortable for you).
Concentrate on your breathing: take the time to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. You should literally feel your lungs filling and emptying. As you breathe in and out, you’ll feel your body gradually relax.
Close your eyes and imagine the desired situation: In the case of fear of penetration, you can imagine yourself lying on your bed with your partner. You can visualize your partner tenderly caressing you until he or she penetrates you. Then you can visualize your partner’s sex entering you gently and easily. You can then visualize your pleasure building. When you visualize this scene, concentrate on your bodily sensations.

This is just one example. Once again, it’s up to you to visualize the situation you want to manifest. The most important thing is to imagine the situation as real as possible, so that it manifests itself in real life.

EXERCISE 3: VAGINAL DILATORS
Vaginal dilators are medical devices that gradually relax the muscles of the vagina (known as the perineum muscles). These devices, made of plastic or silicone, are conical in shape and come in different sizes (see image above).
You don’t need a doctor’s prescription to buy vaginal dilators. You can simply order them over the Internet and have them delivered straight to your home.
To use dilators optimally, you need to :

Clean them thoroughly before and after each use
Be in a quiet, relaxing place (e.g. your bedroom) where you won’t be disturbed.
Adopt a comfortable position (lying down, sitting up or standing with your leg elevated)
Lubricate the dilators well (with lubricant or a vegetable oil such as sweet almond)
Start with the smallest dilator size
Place the dilator at the entrance to the vagina and take a deep breath (to make it easier, you can even say positive affirmations at the same time).
Gently push the dilator into the vagina (there’s no need to rush – when you’re ready, the dilator will slide in on its own).

The dilator exercise can be scary at first. But having done it myself to cure my vaginismus in the past, I can assure you that using them is simple and painless. Dilators are your allies. They’ll really make you aware of your vagina’s elasticity (the vagina is a cavity surrounded by muscles that are supposed to relax during penetration), so you can gradually overcome your fear of penetration.

The following exercise is more or less in the same vein: that of relaxing your muscles at the moment of penetration.

EXERCISE 4: MASSAGE OF THE PERINEUM
Perineum massage is generally recommended for women who have just given birth. But it can also be used to relax the muscles of the vagina. The aim of this massage is to gradually soften the vaginal walls, thereby facilitating penetration during intercourse.
Like the dilator exercise, the perineum message needs to be performed in a specific setting. To achieve this, you need to:

Be in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed
Adopt a comfortable position (e.g. lying down with cushions behind your back, squatting or standing with one foot on a chair)
Wash your hands thoroughly before each massage for reasons of hygiene.
Coat your thumb with lubricant or vegetable oil such as sweet almond oil
Insert part of your thumb at the entrance to the vagina and make semi-circles (from right to left), exerting gentle pressure on the walls of your vagina.
Repeat the above gesture 10 times

You may feel some tugging and discomfort at first. But as you perform these massages on a regular basis, these sensations of tightness and discomfort will disappear.

All the exercises I’ve shared with you in this article are ones I’ve done myself. Having suffered from vaginismus for almost a year, I know just how disabling the fear of penetration can be.

I also know that avoiding penetration can seem like a reassuring solution. You can tell yourself that the fear will go away on its own. But running away is never the solution. As with any fear, the best way to overcome it is to face it head-on. Of course, you mustn’t confront it suddenly, without preparation. You have to face it by doing small practical exercises on a regular basis. Being afraid is normal. What’s not normal, however, is letting a fear (whatever its nature and purpose) spoil your daily life and prevent you from being fully fulfilled.

The exercises recommended in this article do not, of course, replace follow-up by a professional (psychologist, psychotherapist or hypnotherapist). You can use these exercises on an occasional basis, but you should consult a specialist beforehand.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this article and that it helps you overcome your fear of penetration.
See you soon…