It can happen that we can no longer appreciate each other. Our lives don’t seem to make sense anymore. When we’re in a group, we get by, but when we’re alone, we don’t feel good about ourselves. We can’t stand each other and we lose so much motivation that we can’t keep to our goals. Our bodies gradually deteriorate from within. The worst thing is that no one suspects what you’re going through, because you look fine. But you need help. You need to learn to love yourself again.

And to do that, you first have to take stock of yourself, then identify the origins of your malaise. And finally, find solutions to the problem. I can’t stand myself: why and what can I do?

What are the causes of this malaise?

The causes can be grouped into two main groups: Endogenous causes and exogenous causes. Endogenous causes are often an extension of exogenous causes.

As far as exogenous causes are concerned, we’re mainly talking about the environment in which you’ve lived. This includes your parents, your living conditions, the quality of your emotional ties, your brothers and sisters, your friends, etc. If you didn’t receive much love or emotional support as a child, your feelings of unease may be justified. What’s more, if the atmosphere in your family was tense, stressful, sad or chaotic, you won’t remember it fondly when you grow up. We all have very different childhoods. That’s why, when we grow up, we don’t have the same state of mind.

Why can’t I stand myself? Probably because of the kind of support you received. But also because of a current negative influence. Perhaps you’re being negatively influenced without realizing it. Friends who think the same as you. Or criticism from those around you who continue to poison your life.

Endogenous causes are beliefs you’ve nurtured over time. For example, the feeling that you’re no good at anything started out as something banal and ended up being reinforced. It may be due to previous failures or a lack of consideration for the situation. These are situations you haven’t been able to handle, not to mention the fact that others haven’t helped you.

This discomfort arises when you feel unsupported, left to your own devices. Perhaps you’ve relied too much on yourself. I can’t stand myself any more: you may lack a sense of direction and don’t know how to manage on your own. You can only rely on your own abilities and motivation.

Consequences of this feeling

When we say we can’t stand ourselves, we mean we feel disgusted with ourselves. We no longer like ourselves. The person no longer believes in themselves and is ready to let life get the better of them. This leads us to live from day to day without any real purpose, because we no longer believe in ourselves.

This feeling creates a deep malaise that makes life very difficult. We lose our motivation and stop setting goals, because we don’t have the strength to do so anyway. Our efforts in all activities diminish and we run out of time. Over time, the consequence is that we can become depressed. We’re under constant stress and don’t care about the consequences of our actions. Self-esteem is also weakened. And because everything is interconnected, we begin to trust others less and less.

I can’t stand myself: We can become envious. We get into the habit of comparing ourselves to others, and suffer even more. Because we feel inferior, we become less and less proactive. In some cases, we go so far as to self-sabotage and self-criticize. We inflict suffering on ourselves in response to other suffering. The feeling of unease gets worse and worse. Especially if, in the beginning, it was just a failure that could have been handled better.

A few tips for overcoming this feeling of unease

LEARN THE SUBTLE ART OF INDIFFERENCE
One of the most important lessons to take away is that a lot of unpleasant things can happen to us, but it’s not always our fault. In fact, we’re already doing what we can. We can lose our jobs, and this can be due to many factors that are not always within our control. Likewise, your failure at school may be due to factors such as the environment in which you live. Let’s learn to live with the knowledge that the worst can happen beyond our control.

Life is made up of positive and negative experiences. The negative experiences you have are things that happen, just like the positive ones. We mustn’t forget that everything isn’t always rosy. What’s more, nobody’s perfect, not even the person I am. You may have flaws like everyone else, but you also have qualities.

Perhaps by telling you: I can’t stand myself anymore, the explanation is that you’ve become someone else. What happens when you become someone else? You do things and think the way you don’t want to. All to please others, so that they won’t be disappointed by us, so that they’ll accept us. In the end, the only person we disappoint is ourselves. We don’t recognize ourselves anymore, we feel bad about ourselves. That’s why I invite you to find your own values to stay in tune with yourself.

LEARN TO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FUNCTION
I can’t stand myself: can you really stand yourself? Because understanding how you function can be much more complex than understanding the world around you. You can’t stand yourself, not because you’re not interesting, but because you don’t understand yourself. Try to find out how you work. What interests you? What are your future aspirations? What are you good at? What do you want out of life?

Who are you? This question may seem trivial, but try answering it for yourself. Because very often we forget who we are and why we do and think certain things. Perhaps you need to give new meaning to your life. So take the time to better understand who you are, what you’re missing and what you want.

I CAN’T STAND MYSELF: YOU’RE TOO HARD ON YOURSELF
Life can be so much simpler. But when you’re already too hard on yourself, life becomes just as difficult. Maybe your standards of success are too high. You don’t need anything more to be fulfilled.

Be fair to yourself. Ask yourself if you are, and if not, make life easier for yourself. Don’t impose things on yourself that make you suffer because others do. Do what you like and what’s within your reach. Work with what you have and, little by little, you’ll achieve more and more. The goal of life is not to be better than others, but to be good to yourself.

LIVE AS YOU WISH
Some people spend a good part of their lives doing what others expect them to do. The consequence is that these people haven’t done what they wanted to do. They don’t even know how to decide for themselves. If you recognize yourself in this description, it’s time for you to live your life on your own terms. Make your own decisions, whether they’re risky or not. Become master of your destiny. You may make mistakes, but mistakes are part of the learning process.

I can’t stand myself: Have you tried listening to what you want? Or are you too afraid to take responsibility for your actions? The mistake not to make is to believe that you absolutely need the approval of others to do what’s right for you.

SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF
Have a clear vision of what you want to achieve. You can achieve this by setting goals. Maybe you can’t stand yourself because you don’t know what to do, or you don’t challenge yourself. When you look around you, you may feel that other people’s lives are evolving and yours isn’t. So set your life in motion too. Concentrate on achieving a goal that’s close to your heart. Devote your energy to something you’re passionate about.

You’re not behind anyone else. Do what matters to you and you’ll be fulfilled.

LEARN TO APPRECIATE WHAT YOU DO
The things that seem insignificant to you are actually achievements to others. I’m not asking you to compare yourself to others, but to recognize that you’ve come a long way to become what you are today. So be grateful for everything you have. This is what we call practicing gratitude. It’s an excellent exercise that not only makes you feel proud of yourself, but also at peace with yourself.

Get into the habit of saying thank you for what you have and who you are, even if you want more. It brings great relief and reduces stress.

I CAN’T STAND MYSELF: BOOST YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Self-esteem is made up of three elements:

Sense of importance: Do you think you are important?
Sense of competence: Do you recognize that you are competent?
Sensitivity: Do you think you’re a nice person?

If you answer no to at least one of these questions, your self-esteem is probably in bad shape. The logical consequence is that you’ll like yourself less and find it harder to be proud of yourself. That’s why you need to do everything you can to satisfy these three feelings.

To do this, learn to be positive. Think positive thoughts rather than negative ones. It’s not a question of always being positive, but of avoiding negative words. They will only make your situation worse.

To feel competent, always try to be good at something. Be sociable when it comes to feeling sympathetic. Finally, learn to value yourself and be proud of yourself, whatever your current situation.