Despite all the means of communication and new technologies, sentimental loneliness strikes millions/billions of people. Loneliness is felt by many women and men alike, and contrary to what you might think, it’s not just single women or single men. In fact, many of the people I coach who say “I’m lonely” are in a relationship and sometimes even have children. So yes, it’s hard to believe, but it’s true, and there are several explanations for this phenomenon. Fortunately, there are different ways of combating this feeling, which can lead to a profound sense of unease.

I’M LONELY: HOW DO YOU DEFINE THIS PAINFUL FEELING?

“I’m lonely, I’m missing something, I’m missing someone, I’m permanently in the throes of love sadness! I hear this phrase on a daily basis and I’ve always found it hard to accept, because in my opinion it’s relatively easy to make friendly or even sentimental contacts, especially with the means of dating available to us. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not all as easy as you might think. This is partly because not everyone lives in large conurbations, but also because after a certain age it’s harder to meet people with whom you’ll have something in common.

Of course, I’ve also found myself feeling uncomfortable and not necessarily finding someone who understood me, but the context was different.

Nevertheless, there’s no need to feel sorry for yourself, telling yourself it’s too hard, or even worse, making excuses, because as with any problem you want to overcome, you also need to be aware that you’re going to have to make an effort and do it again and again, because nothing happens by chance.

To understand why a woman might feel sad and lonely, and to find out why there are so many of you, I simply asked what negative feelings you were experiencing. Whether you’re in a relationship, single, on a break or in any kind of love situation, I got a huge variety of answers. Here are the top 7 things I was told:

1) I can’t find a man, that’s why I feel so alone.
2) My man doesn’t understand me
3) I can’t express my emotions
4) I’m afraid of being judged, so I keep to myself
5) I keep everything inside me
6) I don’t get the recognition I deserve; it’s more at work that I feel lonely, even isolated, and I have no social circle in the professional world.
7) I help others but no one helps me in return.

So when a woman says she feels alone in life, it’s not really a problem of celibacy or a lack of friends or colleagues. It’s an emotional block that can’t be solved overnight. The key is not to mix with more people or to have ephemeral relationships, but rather to have quality people by your side who will have a considerate attitude.

I FEEL LONELY AND SAD HOW CAN I EXPLAIN IT?

People who feel lonely often claim that it goes back to their childhood, when they found it hard to be around others and to be appreciated. However, childhood or upbringing is not the only reason why you may feel lonely and/or afraid of people. There are other factors at play, which need to be analyzed in order to find concrete solutions to your problem. Feeling sad and alone doesn’t happen by chance, so it’s a constant battle.

I’M VERY LONELY BECAUSE I’M SINGLE
Of course, being single is a common reason for feeling lonely. Day after day, it becomes more and more difficult to come home after a day’s work to find no one there. Human beings aren’t made to be alone or to live in solitude, so we want to wake up in someone’s arms.

This phenomenon is accentuated when you’re past a certain age and you want to have children, but you can’t find a man, or at least not one capable of committing to a serious relationship. The famous biological clock is no myth, and some women have even become obsessed with it.

So, to overcome this feeling of loneliness and to make up for this lack, it’s the rush that dominates. If you’re in a hurry to meet someone so you don’t have to feel this painful phenomenon any more, you still need to be careful, because you’re going to come across men who are likely to take advantage of the situation, and it’s even the worst phenomenon in love life that’s likely to take hold of you: emotional dependence.

So don’t think of a man to fill your loneliness as a miracle solution. Even if you feel excluded and alone, don’t take the first man you meet. Be demanding!

I’M LONELY AS A COUPLE: HOW CAN THAT BE?
Feeling lonely as a couple is a bit paradoxical, I grant you, and not everyone will understand it, but it’s not an uncommon occurrence.

If there are more and more break-ups and divorces, it’s often because you’re no longer able to feel properly appreciated or to share or have moments of complicity in your relationship. But more than that, it’s possible to feel a lack of communication, to see the understanding between partners become so brittle that they can’t stand each other, and therefore no longer want to spend time with their other half.

Many couples experience a complete lack of communication, whether positive or negative. You have a partner who isn’t really interested in your desires and expectations, who doesn’t make any effort despite yours (or not!). There’s also a certain routine that sets in, a lack of projects that means you can’t move forward and you have a roommate more than a husband.

I’M LONELY AFTER AN EMOTIONAL SHOCK
Sometimes, when you come to say to yourself, “I’m lonely”, it’s because you’ve suffered something psychologically or even physically strong. If I take the example of Catherine that I mentioned at the beginning of this article, it’s because she really touched me.

If she felt alone, it was because she had suffered a miscarriage and this was one of her last chances of having a child. She couldn’t open up to her husband or her mother, and she didn’t know anyone in her situation because it’s a painful subject and therefore taboo.
What’s more, her fears got the better of her, as she told herself that she might never be able to experience the joy of becoming a mother, and the doctors were not very reassuring on this point either. Automatically, but in spite of herself, she withdrew into herself for fear of being judged, because she was losing self-confidence, but also because she feared being considered a bad wife. She no longer felt like a woman.

So solitude was both a refuge and a punishment, because those around her couldn’t understand her. It was all in her head, and personal development was the only solution. But for this to happen, there had to be a painful preliminary phase: acceptance.

I FEEL EMPTY BECAUSE OF MY PERSONAL AND/OR PROFESSIONAL LIFE
Finally, there may be a lack that has more to do with a personal life that you don’t enjoy at all. You don’t feel fulfilled, so you shut yourself off. As a result, not only do you feel lonely, but you don’t feel useful, which complicates matters because you have the reflex to distance yourself from others.

When you find it hard to develop professionally, when you lack self-confidence, it’s obvious that you’re going to feel alone. You may think that no-one else is going through what you’re going through, or you may not want to talk about it, preferring to keep it to yourself.

HOW TO FEEL BETTER AND STOP FEELING ALONE!

You’re probably wondering what to do when you feel lonely. Well, the first thing I’d like to tell you is this: loneliness can be fought!

It doesn’t have to be that way, you can get out of it, and if you’re determined – which I’m sure you are if you’ve made it this far – I’m going to give you a few tips depending on your situation, i.e. whether you’re in a relationship and your partner has abandoned you, or whether you’re single (for however long you’ve been single).

I’M LONELY: IS FINDING LOVE THE SOLUTION?
The solution to being single is, of course, to find love. You may think so, but is it really the right answer? When you’re sad and lonely and you want to find love, you often go too fast and become too emotionally dependent, or even worse, obsessed.

You don’t want to meet just anyone. You’re going to take your time and above all not make the mistake of investing yourself too quickly. It’s important to have a strong personality.

HOW TO STOP BEING LONELY AS A COUPLE?
What can you do when you’re sad and lonely, especially in a relationship? Do nothing and wait? Break up and become truly single? These two solutions are not the right ones. If you want to get out of this situation, you’ve got to get back together, and that takes effort. You can’t just wait for things to magically change.

It’s by getting back in touch with each other, breaking the routine and doing more things together that feelings can be reawakened. You have to change your habits to get by, and it’s thanks to this change that you’ll be able to envisage a life as a couple that’s much better than in the past – but you’ve just got to get started!

HOW TO STOP BEING A LONER THROUGH PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
A large part of loneliness can be combated through personal development. There’s no need to pair up with the first person you meet if you have a problem or a complex in your daily life. It’s important to have your own projects and work on them to feel better.

Self-confidence goes a long way towards helping you move forward and stop feeling lonely. By having a fuller life, by feeling yourself, you’ll be stronger and, above all, less negative from the moment you wake up.