Saying “No” can be frightening, because you feel you’re rejecting the other person, and you don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person you love so much. And yet, you’re realizing what’s called misinterpretation. This involves putting yourself in the other person’s shoes with a negative vision, whereas your partner could perfectly well receive your “no” as well as your arguments. If you don’t test positive projection to try and change your behavior, then you won’t be able to improve your relationship.

THE IMPORTANCE OF RESPECTING YOUR VALUES!
You’ll notice that when you make a decision in life that respects your values and beliefs, you’ll have no trouble feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, when you go against your nature, you’ll soon realize that you’re letting negative emotions get the better of you. In a word, you feel bad! It’s a logical reaction, and one you can do something about.

If your decision to say “No” respects your values, then you have nothing to worry about, because it will be in line with your personality and you won’t receive any criticism from other people. This is simply because you’ll be able to explain your “No” and present solid, concrete arguments, at least from your point of view.

Let’s take an example to illustrate my point.

A man in his forties contacted me because a violent crisis had broken out in his relationship. His partner had asked him to do her a favor during the day, but unfortunately he had a very important meeting. He refused, trying to explain that his professional responsibilities were an integral part of his daily life and that he couldn’t deviate from them.

The problem was that after that day, his wife complained about his behavior, and he was unable to explain either his values or the reasons for his choice.

Why is this so? Because, like all people who have difficulty asserting themselves, he had developed a feeling of guilt. Together, we worked on managing his emotions and his communication, so that in future he would be able to show more authority when his decisions and actions respected his value system!

IT’S ALL ABOUT GAINING SELF-CONFIDENCE!
If you’re reading this article, it’s likely that you’re under pressure from all sides, or that you’re afraid to express yourself in your relationship, which are problems that are bound to prevent you from blossoming. You have everything to gain today by learning to say “No”, because it’s your life in general that’s going to change, allowing you to access the true happiness you deserve, that of building your life as you see fit.

Your goal now is to gain the personal confidence to assert your positions and no longer allow yourself to be absorbed by the wishes of others. To do this, simply tell yourself that you need to expand your comfort zone and fight your nature. You have to fight against this tendency to dramatize everything and have the courage to make the choice never again to let another person decide for you.

Your confidence will grow with every “risk” you take. It’s important to always try to make decisions for yourself, and not to let a situation destroy you morally simply because you haven’t been able to assume your opinions. For example, politics in a relationship can be a contentious issue, and sometimes you need to keep a low profile, but at other times you need to be able to explain your choices in order to feel free. The aim is not to enter into conflict over trifles, but simply to show the other person that you exist and to make them understand that “I lead my life as I see fit”.

HOW DO YOU LEARN TO SAY NO?
Before you can say “No” to someone you love, whether it’s someone close to you or your partner, you need to have a positive vision of your daily life. That’s why I recommend that you start by setting time slots in your week for activities that really give you pleasure, regardless of the demands of the people around you.

By giving yourself pleasure, you’ll find it easier to regain your confidence and assert yourself in your daily life. In fact, it only takes one “No” to realize that you can handle it perfectly well, and that your friends, parents, children and partner will not hold it against you at all.

If you notice, people always ask you because they know they have a 99% chance of getting a “Yes” whatever they ask. All you have to do is break this spiral and you’ll notice that other people don’t change their opinion of you – they still think you’re a beautiful person!

All you need to do is get rid of your fears and take control of your day-to-day life. Don’t let a lack of self-confidence or self-esteem get the better of you, and adopt a single philosophy: build the life of your dreams!