Divorce can be very difficult. All the more so when it was unwanted. You may be tempted to try and work things out, but when that doesn’t work, the situation becomes even more unbearable. That’s why we have to fight to move on. To turn a new page in our lives and live a better experience. Unwanted divorce can be overcome in many different ways. It depends on the individual, the causes of the separation and the divorce process.

The following advice is intended to help as many people as possible.

Avoid trying to pick up the pieces

Divorce can be a very lonely time. It’s hard to forget the good times you had when you were married, but it’s also hard to forget what a divorce can bring:

Division of property
Shared custody of children

What happens after a divorce can be both comfortable and very uncomfortable for those who didn’t want it. So they try to pick up the pieces as best they can. Getting back together isn’t impossible, but it’s very rare and sometimes even a mistake. If you split up and didn’t want to, that’s your ex-partner’s choice. The least you can do is respect his or her choice, even if you don’t understand it. For a marriage to work, you both need to be on the same wavelength. That’s why, after a divorce, you have to try to turn the page. Try to rebuild on your own or with other people to avoid sinking into depression.

Divorce is not an misunderstanding

People tend to downplay the situation so that things can go back to the way they were. The problem is that there are no small causes of break-up. They’re all important enough to justify a divorce. Divorce has nothing to do with a misunderstanding, that’s a fact. The first step in overcoming an unwanted divorce is to accept it.

Accepting a divorce is difficult and painful, but it’s necessary in order to move forward. What’s more, life doesn’t stop after a divorce. Think of all the good reasons to continue your life on your own. Think of your children, your loving family and all the people who need you in one way or another. You need to get on with your life, for yourself and for all the people in your life.

You can learn from divorce

Think of divorce as a learning opportunity. Learn from the mistakes you made that led you to this unhappy end. By identifying these mistakes, you’ll be better informed. You’ll also learn from the disappointments you’ve experienced. In short, you’ll emerge even stronger and wiser.

What’s more, second encounters are often when you’re happiest. In other words, your divorce is helping you to become mature and ready to embrace your true destination. It’s often said that life is full of surprises, and one of them is post-divorce.

Overcoming an unwanted divorce due to infidelity

Infidelity is very difficult to live with, and some people find it unforgivable. Even after a divorce, infidelity can create major tensions, leading to disputes over property and child custody. It is seen as a betrayal that even the ex-couple’s children find hard to forgive.

If you’ve been unfaithful, sometimes signing the divorce papers isn’t enough to end the pain. You need to get rid of your bitterness before it destroys you. The best way to do this is to talk to someone close to you or a therapist about your feelings. This will allow you to move on.

Similarly, if you’ve been unfaithful, it’s up to you to take the plunge. Try to make amends as best you can with your children and ex-spouse. To do this, make an appointment with your ex and try to talk about what happened. The aim is for you to take small steps towards learning to love each other again. I think that when we are the cause of a divorce, we are consumed by guilt and intense sadness. Yet everyone deserves a second start, including you.

How to overcome an unwanted divorce

Once again, divorce can be overcome in different ways. It all depends on how you feel. However, there are certain attitudes to adopt, whatever your situation.

DECIDE TO MAKE A FRESH START
It’s a new chapter in your life, and you need to accept it. What’s more, you need to want to make a fresh start. This new beginning depends on your aspirations in life. And even if you’re lost and don’t know what to do, let yourself be carried away by the desire to explore new things. The most important thing is to want to move forward, even if it’s difficult. You can refresh your ideas by traveling a bit. Or by doing things you enjoy.

Starting afresh doesn’t have to mean leaving everything behind. It can mean making new resolutions, setting goals, taking better care of yourself and your children, or enjoying life more.

OVERCOMING AN UNWANTED DIVORCE: FINDING ANSWERS
Sometimes you need to talk about things. For one reason or another, you don’t have all the answers, or you at least need to take stock. That’s why, if you feel you don’t understand everything, talk it over with your ex. You’ll find plenty of answers to help you move on. Talking to your ex is an excellent therapy for finding peace.

What’s more, you can also talk about your divorce with your loved ones or, if it’s really affecting you, with a therapist. The more you talk about it, the more you’ll free yourself from a heavy emotional burden.

DISTANCING YOURSELF
Once you’ve found some answers, try to distance yourself from anything that might be causing you emotional pain. This could be objects, people like your ex, symbolic rooms or places. In fact, things that remind you of your marriage don’t help you get over your divorce. They keep you in the past, whereas the purpose of a divorce is to move on. What’s more, remember that there are plenty of beautiful things to experience even after a divorce.

Overcoming an unwanted divorce is possible, provided you make a considerable effort. The aim of distancing yourself is not to forget everything – indeed, it’s impossible to forget your married life. It’s about taking back control of your life. Distancing yourself today also means stopping following each other on social networks. In other words, stop trying to find out what your ex is doing, who he/she’s dating or if he/she’s interested in what you’re doing.

GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO DIGEST EVERYTHING
Divorce is not an easy thing to go through. There’s no drug that can make you forget everything and get you back on track quickly. It takes time to accept the divorce, digest it and move on. It’s a series of steps that you mustn’t skip for fear of suffering even more. That’s why you need to give yourself time to take it all in. This may take longer for some than for others. The important thing is to know that it takes time to recover from an unwanted divorce.

After the divorce, take time to understand what happened and learn from your mistakes and those of your ex. Give yourself time to forgive and, if possible, to be forgiven, but also time to learn to live without your ex. Don’t mix things up or rush into anything. What’s more, it’s not surprising that you miss your ex or your old life. That’s what it feels like to turn over a new leaf in your life.

What not to do

There are also a few things you shouldn’t do to avoid a drawn-out divorce. These tips obviously depend on the conditions of the divorce (with or without children, assets, family, reason for divorce, etc.).

AVOID INVOLVING THE CHILDREN IN A DIVORCE
Some people go so far as to involve the children in their conflict. To the point of pushing them to choose sides, which they don’t always want to do. Above all, children want to enjoy the presence of both parents. If, in addition to divorce, you push them to choose or prefer you, you’ll make them sadder than you can imagine. Explain to the children what divorce means and let them make up their own minds.

Divorce is a stage for you and your children. Sometimes, getting over an unwanted divorce is even harder for the children than it is for you. But give them time to digest the situation for themselves.

Do the children need to know the reason for the divorce? It all depends on their age and sensitivity. To avoid their suffering, you can avoid giving details and explain the reasons that are most relevant to them. Children are smarter than you think, so avoid lying to them or giving them false hopes.

AVOID RUSHING INTO THINGS AFTER A DIVORCE
Another tendency is to get back together quickly. This rush can be explained by the need to fill a void, or by the feeling that children need two adults in their lives. When people want to move on very quickly, it often means that they still have things in their hearts to get rid of. The problem is that any project driven by emotions is often unstable. You can make the wrong choices, meet the wrong people and regret it.

You have to give yourself time to heal from a divorce. And even if you fall in love fairly quickly, you have to make sure you get it right or don’t make the same mistakes. If you feel things are moving too fast, ask for a break.

DON’T CLOSE YOURSELF OFF
After a divorce, people can also lose the desire to open up to the world. Perhaps because you’re afraid of being disappointed, or because you’re exhausted by the divorce. The solution is not to shut yourself away to regain your strength, or to avoid people. Our aim is to get back on our feet, so we need to get on with life. In other words, continue to lead a healthy lifestyle, meet new people and spend time with our loved ones. Life doesn’t stop; on the contrary, it’s full of surprises.