No one wants to experience serious heartbreak, yet the statistics are implacable. Over the course of her love life, the average woman will experience between four and six disappointments, and the average man between three and five. So there’s no telling what’s in store for love. Sometimes everything is rosy and the partners are happy, but a few days or weeks later, a dispute of rare intensity can erupt with dramatic repercussions for the couple, leading to heartbreak.

WHAT EXACTLY IS HEARTBREAK?

For many, heartbreak is the aftermath of a break-up. But in reality, this notion is more complex to define. It’s a tricky thing to pin down, because each person’s reaction is totally different, depending on their sensitivity, their past, their attachment and their conception of love.

In fact, it’s perfectly possible to feel heartbreak after a big row with your other half, but also when you feel less appreciated by the person you love, or suffer because of their behavior.

Some people may feel very bad and even fall into a love depression over a situation that doesn’t present any particular difficulties, while for others the sadness won’t necessarily be acute despite the context. This does not automatically mean that in the first case the person has more feelings, but simply that their sensitivity is greater.

Every love disorder situation is different, which is why a systematic analysis is needed. It’s impossible to make a comparison between two partners, and in an identical story, time will also play a role. It’s clear, then, that a heartbreak experienced at the very beginning of a relationship, for example, should not be compared to one that might arise three, four or ten years later.

WHY DO WE FEEL PAIN AFTER A HEARTBREAK?

There are two main reasons for experiencing the trauma of heartbreak. The first is the fact that you were projecting yourself with the person you love, or were planning to go even further with them. The second explanation is directly linked to your fears, particularly that of never finding love again.

1) YOU WERE PLANNING FOR A FUTURE TOGETHER
There’s always a period of adjustment in a relationship between the moment you exchange that first kiss and the moment you decide to commit yourself to a serious relationship that will last as long as possible (or at least that you hope will last as long as possible!).

This period allows you to gauge your partner, to give yourself time to develop existing affinities or to create new ones, or to question your partner’s needs and desires, and thus to “take the temperature”, as it were.

Once the question has been answered, and the decision made to continue the relationship, you usually put all your energy into making it last, and commit yourself completely. It’s precisely at this point that we risk suffering, simply because we’ve decided to commit ourselves to a serious relationship and put all our energy into making it work. At some point, particularly for men, you have to overcome your fear of commitment.

It’s exactly at this time that we begin to project ourselves into the life of a couple. When the breakup is announced, it’s a real tragedy because the dreams and hopes you had for your future vanish. That’s why heartbreak hurts so much, because it’s like stepping back in time to realize that you’ve made a mistake.

It’s a bitter experience, but I have to admit that it’s by making mistakes that we gain experience. Love is a bit like starting out on a bike: you have to take a lot of knocks before you can one day take the plunge and race.

2) AFTER A HEARTBREAK, THE FEAR OF REMAINING SINGLE TAKES OVER
The fear of remaining single ad vitam aeternam (forever) also causes additional suffering in the immediate aftermath of heartbreak. That’s why, I put a lot of emphasis on personal reconstruction and, consequently, on the importance of fighting the fear of remaining single for too long.

It’s inconceivable that you won’t find a partner again, so you need to get that idea out of your head. Sure, you’ll be embarking on a new relationship, but there’s no need to fear eternal celibacy. If you do have this fear, you have to regain your self-confidence, and you’ll soon find that this worry will disappear.

Any others you may have will also influence the grief you’re likely to feel, as so many questions will be running through your mind. The more doubts you have, the greater this heartbreak will become. So it’s vital that you have faith in the future and stay strong to face this painful moment. I’m convinced you’ll bounce back, either with your ex by trying to win him/her back, or by embarking on a brand new love story.

HEARTBREAK IS SYNONYMOUS WITH EMOTIONAL SHOCK

Disappointment of any kind always causes emotional shock. Of course, the degree of emotional shock depends on the nature of the disappointment and the expectations you had of the relationship. It’s precisely because of this last point that we can see that heartbreak always has a powerful impact on the behavior of the person who has to endure it. The reason is simple: when you decide to enter into a relationship and take it a step further by making a real commitment, you never do it lightly. Feelings of love are extremely powerful, and so the emotional shock is all the greater.

A sentimental shock is a cataclysm that shakes the whole organism and can therefore have physical and intellectual repercussions, which is why a break-up causes so much suffering. This psychological trauma is likely to cause, in addition to the daily crying and severe depression after the break-up, high blood pressure, tachycardia, psychosomatic disorders, nausea, and the list goes on.

It’s these problems, combined with the sadness, that cause this intense pain, similar to a stab wound to the heart, because when we envisaged a life together, we inevitably expected other prospects. You have to fight your grief by choosing the most effective methods, because heartbreak can’t be overcome in a few days.

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO FIGHT DISAPPOINTMENT?

Let’s face it, love is a special area that can have a major impact on your life in general. A heartbreak can have a negative impact on your professional life, on those around you, on your financial situation and, above all, on your health.

You’re probably aware of this, but I’d like to give you a quick reminder, not to warn you, but simply to make you aware of the impact of heartbreak, because as I like to say, an informed person is worth two.

Disappointment in love is one of the causes of depression. After a divorce or separation, many people find it hard to get over it and get back to life. To avoid these devastating effects, or at the very least to mitigate them, it’s vital to combat heartbreak, whatever its nature and origin.

WHAT CAN BE DONE AFTER HEARTBREAK?

When it comes to relationships, it’s always tricky to know how to react and behave. Should I keep my distance? Should I call to avoid being forgotten? Should I keep the nicknames we used to call each other? These are just some of the questions that will cross your mind, and to which you’ll need to find the best possible answers. You’ve probably got a lot on your mind, and it’s understandable that you may not be able to answer questions that seem so simple on the surface.

To fight heartbreak and sadness in love as effectively as possible, you first need to analyze the reasons and consequences. Is it just a big row, or is it really a separation? It’s important to distinguish between the two, because the actions to be taken will obviously not be the same.

IF AN ARGUMENT IS THE CAUSE OF YOUR UNHAPPINESS
If it’s an argument that’s at the root of your heartbreak, you need to bury the hatchet as quickly as possible. To do this, you need to show your other half that the complicity between you is still intact. You need to show your partner that you’re on the same wavelength, and that even if there’s a disagreement between you, it can’t stop you from thriving together. To do this, you need to show that you’re willing to move forward..

Each of you must be able to recognize that there is some truth in what the other says, and that feelings are stronger than conflict. Be careful, however, not to put all your faith in feelings, as repeated arguments will have no impact and may, on the contrary, have a boomerang effect. If your partner realizes that feelings aren’t everything, he or she may question the strength of his or her love.