Making the decision to separate, divorce or leave your partner, and thus become a single mother, is never easy. Whether you feel you’re in control of your life when you decide to break up, or you feel you’re under control because your partner ends the relationship, the result is the same: the future is a frightening unknown.

Bringing up one or more under-age children on your own takes a lot of time and energy, and raises a lot of questions: “How do I educate them properly? how to limit their suffering and sadness at separation”, “how to live with reduced financial resources”, “how to live as a single person” and “how to open up to new encounters”.

So many questions, doubts, fears, worries and challenges punctuate the day of a mother who must learn to adapt to her new single-parent family.

A SINGLE MOTHER MUST ABSOLUTELY RESPECT THESE 3 PILLARS!
Coping on her own without the support of a father under the same roof, taking care of the children’s day-to-day needs, shopping, housework… these are all big responsibilities to take on alone! So there are 3 essential aspects, which I also call the pillars of the solo mom: health, morale and energy are essential to get ahead.

Fatigue lurks, and the risk is to isolate yourself from friends, family and colleagues, as the children become the sole priority. And because having a social life requires energy and money to go out and look after your children.

Unfortunately, when you think like this, you get stuck in an exhausting routine where the days are like races against the clock, where sleep and a good mood are in short supply.

Fatigue and lack of time prevent socializing, and contact with the outside world gradually diminishes.

It’s easy to become aware of this, but finding the solution to a richer, more fulfilling life isn’t easy. All the more so as a harmful feeling may gradually surface…

THE FEELING YOU ABSOLUTELY MUST AVOID IF YOU’RE A SINGLE MOM
The statistics on single mothers and solo moms who remain single are not reassuring. They show that 50% of men are back in a relationship within five years of separation, while only 40% of women are.

As the months (or even years) go by, the situation doesn’t change. And the ex’s new lease on life sends us back to our celibacy. Some women even feel jealous of their ex-partner’s new girlfriend.

And yet what a joy it would be to have a supportive man by your side, a man who listens, a man with whom you can share good times, with or without the kids. A seductive man, present, complicit and faithful, with whom to build a beautiful, lasting relationship.

It would be so nice to know a new story, different from the past and enriched by the lessons of separation or divorce.

REDISCOVER LOVE BY TRANSFORMING THE NEGATIVE INTO THE POSITIVE…
After a separation, who hasn’t heard the following phrases?

“Don’t worry, one lost, 10 found”.
“You’re young, you’re pretty, you’ll find love again”.
“You’ll find love when you least expect it”.

These phrases are meant to be encouraging, but they’re so often repeated that they rarely bring any comfort.

On the less positive side, we also get :

“With a child, no man will want you”.
“When you’re a single mom, it’s more complicated”.
“You’re single because you’re too demanding, too difficult”.

From a married, unfaithful man, I’ve even heard, “single moms are the easiest to seduce because they’re vulnerable.” But we can’t know in advance who the malicious, manipulative men are… In any case, it clearly doesn’t give a good idea of the type of man who’s interested in single mothers.

The more motivated moms register on dating sites and multiply their chats and dates without necessarily building a fulfilling bond with a man ready to invest in them.

In short, life as a solo or single mother doesn’t seem to be conducive to the birth of a beautiful love story.

But the truth is that all the above are limiting beliefs. They’re beliefs that lock you into a lifestyle and habits that prevent positive change.

DON’T BE INSPIRED BY OTHERS, OR BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL!
What’s more, society doesn’t necessarily convey a positive image of mothers who aren’t in a relationship. So it’s hard to identify with a positive, encouraging female role model.

When you can’t go out for lack of time or money, when you’re forgotten by old friends who have sided with your ex, when families in a relationship won’t invite you, when opportunities to meet new people dwindle to a trickle, morale takes a hit.

And we wonder how to change things, how to regain our self-confidence and how to build a lasting relationship. But above all, how can we avoid suffering in a new relationship?

The last relationship went very badly. The fear of repeating past mistakes is inevitably present.

SOLO MOM: GET RID OF THE FEAR OF THE PAST!
So how can you be sure your heart won’t get hurt again?

Worse still, how can you avoid becoming attached to someone else and experiencing the end of the relationship? Will the children put up with this new abandonment?

It’s hard to be torn between the desire to be in a relationship and the fear of suffering the consequences. And it’s just as hard to find a way to meet the right person.

Where to meet them? How do you find the time to go on a date when 24 hours isn’t enough to do everything on your to-do-list? And when going out is possible thanks to a babysitter or an available friend, for example, but the energy to go out is lacking, what can you do?

As time goes by and the days repeat themselves, it’s getting harder and harder to believe in love again.

The temptation to tell yourself that being alone isn’t so bad is strong: “no man in your life means no compromises to be made”.

And who hasn’t been disillusioned by frustrating attempts to meet unavailable or disrespectful people? The sheer number of profiles on the Internet isn’t always matched by quality, and by multiplying the number of blind dates, the heart loses interest and weariness sets in.

The fear of remaining single forever becomes the most faithful of companions.

SINGLE MOTHERS, TAKE ACTION!
But fortunately, what I’ve just described isn’t inevitable. Even with children, it’s still possible to be attractive, to have a life as a woman and to thrive in a beautiful relationship.

There are more and more mothers who fall back in love with a good man. The number of recomposed families continues to rise, and happy tribes are redefining a new family model. And on my website at the end of this article, you’ll find lots of interviews with positive parents who are rediscovering joie de vivre and love.

Of course, the man of your dreams doesn’t fall from the sky and Prince Charming doesn’t exist. Finding love requires motivation and introspection. But it’s worth the effort.

HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF BEING A SINGLE MOM
To put an end to the fear of remaining single, you’ll need to follow a number of steps:

mourning the past relationship:
this is the acceptance process needed to move forward and bounce back in love.

learning from it to make the next relationship more successful: taking stock of what it taught us about ourselves, what went wrong, recognizing our responsibilities in the relationship
free yourself from all the emotions associated with the painful situation and everything that’s going on inside you: feelings of guilt, abandonment wounds….
identify the beliefs about love that influence our behavior in relationships. Banish negative beliefs that love is impossible when you have children.
Being single doesn’t have to be seen as a curse that’s hard to break. Getting back into a relationship is within the reach of any woman who gives herself the means to do so.

I wish you all the best in love, because you deserve it. As a woman, you have much more power over your life than you think…