After a heartbreaking break-up, there’s a stage you’re bound to go through: the mourning phase. Whether you want to get your ex back or turn the page for good. In fact, it’s a stage that’s often neglected out of a desire to move on as quickly as possible. However, it’s better to take a gradual approach, rather than speeding up the process without consolidating your rebuilding. In that case, the risk is of reliving difficult moments and falling back into a form of sentimental depression. So, while it’s certainly true that the aim of everyone who’s been bereaved in love is to get out of it as quickly as possible, it’s imperative to think in the long term to avoid any relapse.

So it’s important not to rush into things, and to apply certain principles that have changed the lives of the men and women I accompany after a separation. And to do this, an analysis phase is imperative, because your story, like all relationships, was unique. You’ll need to ask yourself a few essential questions, such as: What went wrong? Why did the separation happen? What is the mourning phase? After all, it’s important to know exactly what you’re going to do to feel better and get back on track. this is one of the methods you can use to rebuild your life after a break-up.

WHAT IS LOVE BEREAVEMENT?

In order to deal with emotional problems, and in particular the mourning of a relationship, it’s first important to know what you’re up against. First of all, I’d like to make it clear that there’s no such thing as a miracle method: each case has its own specificities, so not everything fits. So before using any method, you need to know what it is and be sure that it applies to your situation. It’s not a way of getting back at your ex or “winning” the break-up. No, mourning a love affair means thinking about yourself and rebuilding your life, and you mustn’t think about anything else, because that’s what’s going to get you back on your feet as quickly as possible.

We use the word “mourning” because for many men and women, this separation, divorce or even love break is akin, in reaction, to the death of a person. While it may be shocking to use this comparison, these are not emotions we choose. I’ve had the opportunity to counsel people who felt more sad about their divorce than about the death of someone close to them. Indeed, the stages involved in mourning the loss of a relationship are often as long as those involved in mourning the death of a parent.

So there’s absolutely no need to feel guilty if you’re in this situation. Grieving for love means forgetting the past, so as not to prevent yourself from living, and giving yourself a real chance to move forward and rediscover happiness in everyday life. If we take out the word “love”, it’s word for word the definition of “mourning” in the literal sense of the term. Except that it’s not about the death of a person, but the end of a loving relationship.

THE STAGES OF GRIEF ARE NOT WHAT YOU THINK!

We often hear that there are 5 stages of mourning. However, I believe that, as with the suffering involved, each person experiences things in his or her own way, and for some it will be 4 stages, while for others it will be 6 or even 7. In fact, there are no rules to mourning!

The stages of grief – bargaining and sadness – are not always experienced after a disappointment in love.

Nevertheless, to overcome a break-up and grieve properly, it’s important to be disciplined and to know the different stages you’ll go through. Even if you’ve already experienced relationship mourning, the intensity may vary, and you may suffer more from your fifteenth break-up than your third.

1/ THE FIRST PHASE OF A BREAK-UP: DENIAL
This is the first phase, when you refuse to face the truth. Denial of a break-up is much more common than you might think, and unfortunately it leads to a harmful attitude.

Sometimes you make it clear to your ex. You don’t let him/her go, you still talk about feelings and everything is explicit. However, you can also be in denial without necessarily showing it. You still see yourself as a couple, and you think and act according to him/her and his/her reactions. You find it hard to understand what’s going on.

And this lack of understanding then gives rise to a form of anger, with one word that keeps coming back: why?

2/ ANGER IS THE SECOND STAGE IN THE MOURNING PROCESS
It’s not just directed at your former partner. Of course, there’s resentment, there’s anger at him/her for ending the relationship. However, there’s also a part of the responsibility you take for yourself that you find hard to accept, you think back on the past and you have regrets.

When anger is omnipresent and takes on too many proportions, it can lead to guilt, and the next thing you know, you’re in the throes of a love breakdown. So it’s vital to channel it as quickly as possible, either by following the advice of books or training courses to learn how to better manage disappointment, or by undergoing therapy with a professional who can guide you.

3/ BARGAINING
In this stage of mourning, we find ourselves in an intermediate situation. There are times when you can control yourself and have discussions with your ex. Nevertheless, you’re often negotiating because you want to get him/her back, you’re often making demands of yourself and that’s a real problem because it breaks the re-reduction aspect.

On the positive side, your anger has subsided and you’re thinking a little more clearly.

4/ SADNESS
This is obviously one of the most logical phases of mourning. Your emotions resurface and you become aware of the situation, you’re able to take a step back and you’re afraid that the situation won’t change. That’s what you’re most anxious about, not having any impact on your ex.

Once you’ve managed to deal with this painful feeling, your actions are more effective and acceptance is not far off.

5/ ACCEPTANCE FOR MOURNING A RELATIONSHIP
From now on, once this phase has passed, you’ll need to step up your actions tenfold to lift your head and stop living in doubt. Once you’ve accepted the break-up and your ex’s reproaches, you can move on! When mourning the loss of a loved one, human beings tend to enter a phase where everything is called into question. As a result, the questions multiply and you take stock of your current life, but not for a step backwards…

When you accept heartbreak, you tell yourself that the best is yet to come, or at least that you’ll move on to other moments that will bring you happiness. In short, we stop brooding, we rediscover positive aspects and we feel it all around us. Attraction can be reborn!

6/ NOW I’M MOVING FORWARD
This is the last stage of mourning, when you leave the negative behind and decide to take charge of your life. We show the best of ourselves, and when we’re thinking of getting back together with our ex, it’s often during this phase that a comeback is possible, because we show the other person what he/she can really lose…

THE 4 KEYS TO MOURNING A RELATIONSHIP!

Unfortunately, the results are often negative, and you’re only stirring the pot by raising questions about your choices and your past. Your mistakes come to light, as if you were feeling guilty about the disappearance of your love.

Maintaining a pessimistic outlook is not the way to grieve and move on to the next stage of life. On the contrary, it makes things even more painful. That’s why rebuilding is essential!

1/ DON’T CONTACT YOUR EX FOR THE TIME BEING
It’s hard to grieve the loss of a relationship when you’re constantly talking to your ex – you can’t fully move on, so you stay in the situation you’re in now. A period of radio silence or distance is therefore necessary to find the right balance and, above all, to think about yourself, because that’s usually what you’re lacking.

I know it’s not easy, but it’s essential! If you have children or if you live under the same roof, then you’ll have to limit exchanges, for example by not staying in the same rooms, and at the same time continue to think about yourself in order to encourage your independence and therefore your reconstruction!

The more you can distance yourself, the better you’ll feel.

2/ MOURNING AND SELF-CONFIDENCE
Mourning the loss of your relationship means regaining your self-confidence and not letting yourself be dragged down. Your mind and body are telling you to do nothing and wait, but your love and i are urging you (if not ordering you) to grab your sneakers and go for a run.

I want you to set yourself the goal of exercising every day, and I want you to spend as much enjoyable time as possible, whether alone, with family or friends. You’re also going to have to put something new into your life and force yourself to smile. Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, I want you to see the glass as half full.

The simple act of changing your dress or starting a diet if you feel bad about yourself also helps you to see yourself differently and therefore feel better. It’s a new page in your life that you’re opening now, and you need to go all out, not letting monotony and routine, or even worse, sadness, get the better of you. It takes a strong mind to mourn the loss of a relationship!

3/ SOCIALIZING TO ESCAPE LONELINESS
To avoid sinking into this painful phase and to be able to turn the page after the break-up, I invite you to be surrounded as much as possible by friends and family. Take time out from your daily routine to recharge your batteries.

The second action you can take is what I call “social openness”.

It’s about being able to open up to the outside world to take stock of what’s happening to you, but also to put things into perspective. Let me give you a personal example to illustrate my point.

My trip to West Africa a few years ago opened my eyes to the difficulties that other people go through on a daily basis, and the well-being that I, in turn, could bring. During this trip, I met children in an orphanage, and I can assure you that experiencing these kinds of moments makes you think.

I came to the conclusion that the relationship with others is essential. By opening up socially, you demonstrate your generosity and receive much more in return!

4/ HAVE A PROJECT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Having a dream after mourning the loss of your love, and devoting yourself to it, is an assurance that will regenerate your spirit.
You’ll define your new life path, question the notion of happiness and overcome challenges you never imagined you’d face.

Having a dream also means allowing yourself to live again and move forward. I believe that from the moment you make that decision, the rest can only come to you. Use your sadness as a formidable weapon, which will strengthen your state of mind and give you the motivation to fight every day against the ups and downs of life, especially if you were in a toxic relationship.

I sincerely hope I’ve helped you define your first actions. I’d be delighted to read your opinion in the comments, and please remember to share your own experiences to help everyone who reads this.

Best regards,