Self-confidence can help us with so many things in our lives.

But there are still things we can’t predict or control. Sometimes, things don’t go as planned. You didn’t get that promotion after all, or that date you were so excited about ended up not going so well.

Learning the benefits of failure (yes, really), as well as how to overcome it, will help you maintain your self-confidence.

Accepting failure doesn’t just mean looking at the present.

It also means looking at the past and thinking about the future.

Think about how you were prepared to deal with failure as a child. Perhaps you were under a lot of pressure to succeed at school or in extracurricular activities.

Maybe you needed to work from an early age to buy the things you thought you needed (clothes that made you feel “cool”, the latest album by your favorite band…) or even to help your family financially.

In all these situations, failure was considered the worst thing that could happen. Your life would be over. You might even make other people suffer.

Now, go back and re-examine that.

You’re not that child or teenager anymore. You’re an adult who can make your own decisions.

You’ve probably failed at things before, even little things like forgetting to buy something at the grocery store. What happened? The world didn’t fall apart.

You can count on yourself not to fail when it comes to important things. But when it comes to anything else, let it go. Nothing bad will happen. If you forget the milk, if you don’t do a flawless job at your next presentation, if you get a parking ticket, if the guy you were talking to ends up ghosting you – the world won’t end there.

And now, for the present.

You know who you are and that you have amazing qualities. If you don’t know that last part, go back and reread the last two chapters to improve your self-esteem. Everyone has a certain greatness about them, and that means you do too. Got it? Okay, let’s get on with it.

Let’s say there’s a cute guy you sometimes see at the bar or coffee shop you go to. Maybe you’ve exchanged a few glances, or even a few words. You’d really like to take the next step and ask him out. But what if he doesn’t feel that way about you?

It’s not the end of the world if he’s not interested in you, as long as you’re in the right frame of mind. Say to yourself: “If he rejects me, it’s because he doesn’t know my true personality. He’s rejecting the outsider that I am.”

But you know what… I’ve got good news for you.

Even if a man isn’t interested in a woman, he still tends to carry on a conversation with her out of politeness. This is actually a great opportunity to show him your wonderful personality and unique qualities. You’ll be able to leave the situation with your head held high; you’ve remained gracious and true to yourself.

It’s not always easy to see things in a positive light, I know. One thing that can help is to anticipate failure (that’s where the future comes in).

This doesn’t mean that everything you try is doomed to failure and abandonment – of course not! Rather, it’s about facing up to what you fear will fail, and exploring what might happen if failure were the outcome.

Here’s a list of questions you can ask yourself when you’re in a situation where you’re afraid of failing. It could be approaching a guy, negotiating with a client, making conversation – just about anything.

Try answering these questions in writing if you like:

What will happen if I’m rejected by this person (they refuse to talk to me, hire me, buy my product, love me, etc.)?
Are there any risks to my health?
Will this have a profound impact on my life?
Will it matter next week? Next month? Next year?
Do I really think others will share my opinion?
Have I ever been successful?
Why do I always anticipate the worst?
Isn’t failure an experience that helps me get better?
Why do I attach so much importance to the reaction of the person I’m addressing, especially if I’m being respectful?

If your situation does not concern another person, adapt or delete the questions accordingly. If there are other questions you feel you should add, do so.

The result will always be the same: by questioning and confronting your fears, you’ll see that the situation isn’t as bad or hopeless as you thought, and that if the outcome is a failure, you’ll be able to move on or find another solution.

Of course, there are times when failure can really be a serious problem. Unfortunately, this can still happen, but here’s another approach that can be useful, especially when it comes to issues with undeniably serious consequences.

We could call this approach “timeless”, because it combines the past, the present and the future. It’s the idea of seeing failure as a learning experience and using it to help you in the future.

Here’s how it would work if, say, your long-term relationship had recently ended:

1) QUESTION YOURSELF
No matter who initiated the breakup or why, it’s important to recognize that you’re not the only person responsible, but you’re not completely innocent either.

Think about the role you played in your relationship, no matter how difficult it was. This will help you highlight your mistakes and avoid repeating them in the future.

It will also help you better understand your expectations and desires when it comes to relationships. In other words, you’ll understand why things didn’t work out with your ex, and it will be easier for you to identify what you want in another partner.

2) REINVENT YOURSELF AND ARM YOURSELF WITH DETERMINATION
Don’t lock yourself away, marathoning episodes of your favorite show and pining for the guy you lost. If you keep telling yourself that life is unfair, that your sadness is too great, that you’re feeling sorry for yourself, it won’t help you overcome or improve anything.

What will help is your determination to see things change! A break-up, no matter how insignificant, marks a turning point in life, and your daily life will be affected by it. So take it as an opportunity. It’s the perfect time to start making changes.

You’re now free to reinvent yourself. Try new looks, new activities, start exercising, look for new interests, new places to go out and meet new people. Prove to yourself that you’re worth so much more than your exes thought you were.

Set new personal goals too. This is the time to learn a new language, get your degree, apply for your dream job.

3) BECOME AN IMPROVED VERSION OF YOURSELF
That said, you don’t have to change everything, of course. Keep the positive people and things in your life. Go and see your friends, your family, use some of your free time to do things you liked but couldn’t do while you were in a relationship.

A break-up is hard to go through, but it can bring more than you can imagine. Selfishly speaking, you could almost say that it allows you to concentrate on the most important person in your life: you!

The next time you start a relationship, you’ll have a foundation of self-care, self-love, positivity… and reflection. You’ll know what you want, what you want to avoid, and what you can do to improve the relationship as a whole.

These same strategies can be applied to failure in any aspect of your life:

Analyze what went wrong and your role in it.

Take time to heal and make changes.

Use this foundation of self-care and knowledge to do better next time.

I hope you now have less fear of failure. I hope you see this as a tool that can help you learn and even succeed.

But here’s the thing: no matter what you take away from this chapter, life is about the risks we take, and many of them won’t work out the way we hope.

So don’t feel bad if you fail again. It would be surprising if you didn’t. The difference is that now you know how to deal with failure better than before.

Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back from asking that guy out or changing jobs. If you take the risk, you never know where it might lead.