How do you talk to a girl when you’re shy and used to looking at your feet and stammering? How can you overcome your shyness and approach that girl you like so much?

In this article, I’ll give you the keys to overcoming your shyness when it comes to flirting: the aim isn’t to turn you into a seduction Superman, but simply to give you the right techniques so you don’t miss out on a great opportunity!

Ah, shyness… Probably the most common excuse given by beginners, by all those who don’t dare approach girls.

“I can’t talk to a girl without blushing”, “I can’t approach a girl, I’m too shy”, “my shyness makes me miss lots of girls, but I don’t dare tell them I like them, whether it’s my colleague at work or a girl on the subway, I’m sure I wouldn’t even manage to pick up a shy girl!”.

In this article, I’m going to explain a couple of things about shyness… and how to get rid of your shyness so you can finally seduce and talk to girls in the evening!

Shyness: a definition of the state of mind that poisons you

Let’s start with the many definitions of shyness.

“Lack of courage; fear in the face of danger”.

The second proposal is pretty cool too:

“Manner of being, character of one who lacks boldness, vigor; inability to undertake, to make up one’s mind.”

I like the third definition of timidity:

“Lack of ease, of assurance in one’s relations with others; tendency to become confused and lose one’s composure when one feels watched, observed. Synonym: Left-handed”

And it’s a very interesting synonym. Left-handed. Not very dexterous. A little clumsy in social relationships.

In addition to these three necessary definitions to help you overcome your shyness when it comes to dating, I did a little digging on the psychological side…

This behavioral disorder can begin in early childhood and continue into adulthood. Self-doubting, the shy person loses his or her self-confidence as soon as he or she is outside familiar surroundings, believes that all eyes are on him or her when in a public place, and has difficulty communicating. When it appears at puberty, this shyness reflects the difficulty of adapting to changes in the body, and the fear that others will overhear the new sexual desires. When it is very pronounced and not overcome by psychotherapy, it can seriously handicap studies, love life, social life and professional life. It can also lead people to take refuge in a painful solitude, or to resort to alcohol or drugs to artificially facilitate relationships with others.

With these definitions in mind, let’s get to work! Here are a few techniques for overcoming your shyness and finally talking to the girls you like.

Why your shyness handicaps you with girls

You feel your shyness.

Physically.

You stammer and stammer when it comes to talking to a girl.

The fear of approaching a girl is so great that you find excuses not to approach them.

Your heart rate quickens. Your palms sweat. Your throat goes dry. Your legs stop moving, or even moonwalk…

But the problem is that your shyness is born in your head. It’s born of a block. A fear. Sometimes a social phobia. But it has no validity.

You think you’re not as good as everyone else: you’re not.
You don’t have self-confidence: you’re wrong, you’re capable of great things!

It’s the whole distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence that you need to understand, so that you can overcome the shyness that’s preventing you from making a move on someone.

Self-esteem can be low, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get ahead or seduce someone. Self-esteem is the love you have for yourself. And this gauge can be at 10% or 90%: you can still seduce women with low self-esteem.

An example to illustrate the point: most actors/singers/artists don’t like themselves. When they look at themselves, they think they suck. They wonder why their fans love them, when they’ve been despised or abandoned by their parents, misunderstood by their teachers.

And yet, they seduce the crowds! Their shyness don’t stop them from seducing the most beautiful women…

Let’s move on to self-confidence: artists have that. You have it. Self-confidence is a question of ability.

You have the ability to stop smoking. You have the ability to run a marathon if you have two legs.

Can you speak English? Then you have the ability to say “hello” to a woman and approach her, despite your shyness.

Self-confidence means saying “Yes, I can!

And here’s where it gets really interesting… the more confident you become, the more you’ll build up your self-esteem.

The virtuous circle of self-confidence to overcome shyness!

It’s a virtuous circle that helps you overcome shyness when it comes to dating:

I’m confident in myself, I know I can do it, I’m convinced of it!
So I try to approach this woman, I have the courage to face up to the danger posed by this stranger.
So I love myself because I dared, whatever the outcome of the interaction
The more I love myself, the more self-confident I am, the more I dare!
Now you’re going to tell me this is all very theoretical. That’s true. But what does it mean in practice?

The action plan to overcome your shyness and fear of public speaking

1) NOBODY CARES!
One of the problems most shy people have is believing that everyone is looking at you, that everyone is watching you.

I’m telling you something, and I want you to remember it: nobody cares about you. I’m not saying this to be mean, but everybody’s like you! People are more concerned about their own image than yours!

Get on with your life! How can you live your life and be independent if you’re always thinking about what other people think?

The confident man, the man you need to become to approach girls: he doesn’t need validation from others! He doesn’t need the approval of others!

I know your parents probably put you down when you were a kid (them, your teachers, your siblings or cousins, your friends, the sports teacher…): it doesn’t matter!

Today, now that you’re an adult: no one’s around to spy on your every move – people have better things to do!

You really need to get that “I’m the center of the world, everyone’s watching me” mentality out of your head!

2) ACCEPT FAILURE AS A NECESSARY PART OF THE LEARNING PROCESS
Yet another mental change you need to make in your life if you want to overcome your shyness.

First of all, you’re going to have to practice more, go out more, to familiarize yourself with conversations with others.

Anything goes: a conversation with the cab driver, with your baker, with your old neighbor.

At the hairdresser’s, too, it’s good exercise. Just talk. Usually, it’s he (or she, if it’s a coiffeuse) who starts the conversation. He or she will ask you questions. But if he or she doesn’t, take charge and lead the conversation! It’s up to you!

With everyone, all the time!

The aim is to become comfortable with fluff talk, to be able to talk about anything and everything with anyone!

Yes, there will be awkward moments. Yes, there will be gaps in the conversation (and that freaks out the shy, who generally don’t know where to put themselves).

But it’s only with practice that you’ll become an ace conversationalist, developing this ability… which will help you regain your self-confidence!

3) THE IMPORTANCE OF HAVING GOOD FRIENDS TO OVERCOME YOUR SHYNESS
The easiest thing for everyone is to have one or more good friends who can play this role.

Who will coach you, surround you and encourage you.

Who will force you to go out and talk to girls, despite your shyness.

Here are two games you can suggest to your buddies who are OK with teaching you how to pick up girls.

The first is the carrot-and-stick game.

The carrot is positive motivation: finding a woman when you’re shy, the joyful prospect of being in a relationship!
The stick is the negative motivation, the punishment you want to escape: loneliness. But that’s not enough. For the moment, it hasn’t motivated you, and your shyness has always prevented you from talking to women. So your buddies are going to up the ante. They’ve got to come up with some kind of punishment for you if you refuse to approach a girl at a party.

4) THE BEST TECHNIQUE FOR ELIMINATING YOUR SHYNESS AND TALKING TO GIRLS…
Is to recognize your fear, and admit it to the girl when you go to talk to her:

“Hi! I never do this because I’m far too shy and it’s a miracle I don’t stammer yet. I had to come and see you because I think you’re lovely, and I’d have been mad not to come and talk to you. Hi (holding out her hand), my name’s James”.

Most girls will find this touching… and courageous! The more experience you gain, the more you’ll see that girls don’t expect you to give the perfect speech!

You really need to desacralize the moment of approaching a girl. It’s not all about the moment!

Seduction is what’s next:

Your charm
Your personality
Your common ground
Your intelligence, your sense of humor
Your masculinity, motivation, decisiveness
Your style
Your ability to get her dancing on the dance floor
Your sense of humor, of course!

And so many other qualities that women are waiting to discover when you talk to them.

But despite your shyness, you’ve got to take that first step. And you’ll soon realize that, with a little courage, you’re going to have some great stories!

If it’s talking that’s blocking you, but you’re more at ease behind a keyboard, then learn how to talk to girls online: it’s possible to flirt when you’re a techie!

TALKING TO A GIRL WHEN YOU’RE SHY: A CRAZY EXERCISE!
Come on, one last exercise to force you to overcome your shyness.

It’s an effective exercise to show indecisive and anxious guys that women aren’t all that terrible.

Your objective: approach a woman and ask her to give you a rake.

“Hi! If I were to approach you, would you please turn me down?”.

I can assure you that with a big smile, good style and politeness, 8 times out of 10, women will laugh and wonder why you’re doing this! Then all you have to do is reply: “Look, I can’t talk to a woman because I’m too shy… except for you!

Let the magic happen…

Best wishes!