All too often neglected in favor of physical appearance, the art of conversation offers everyone a considerable margin for progress in terms of interpersonal skills and seduction.

The fact remains that, while words can open many doors for you, it’s important not to be labelled “boring” once you’ve spoken, as this flaw is considered to be one of the most repulsive in society – starting with women.

The good news is that there’s a whole battery of bad habits that are both easy to spot and pretty easy to get rid of for anyone hoping to one day shine with their lightness and ability to entertain.

Here they are, in detail.

1) YOU’RE NOT AWARE THAT YOU’RE SPOILING THE MOOD
No one raises your voice, no one looks at you, no one even contradicts you?

The only feedback you get is a few not-so-clear-cut laughs, purely factual questions barely a few words long, or the ever-deceptive “nah, but that’s interesting”?

As soon as your tirade is over, your interlocutors straighten up and abruptly change the subject of conversation?

For your sake, and for the sake of others, thank you for making the effort to linger over these details.

2) YOU GET BOGGED DOWN IN SUBJECTS OF LITTLE OR NO INTEREST TO ANYONE.
This is often the problem with passionate people: carried away by their enthusiasm, they assume that what interests them is of de facto interest to the rest of the world. The result is monologues from beyond the grave, which are hard to escape.

Not all interests are equal in the eyes of others: anything to do with technology (computers, medicine, photography…), existential questions or politics tends to put people off by the mere mention of it.

There are exceptions, of course, but it’s up to you to make sure you’ve tested the waters (see previous point) before jumping in with both feet.

3) YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE RIGHT
Everyone has an ego. While it expresses itself differently according to temperament, there is one constant: nobody accepts giving up their sovereignty without consequences, and even more so in front of others.

If you try too hard to step on your interlocutor, he or she will remember not your implacable sense of logic or your immeasurable culture, but a feeling of bitterness and revenge.

Think back to all those times when one of your friends tried so hard to convince you of his opinion on a movie, on a social phenomenon, on an interaction…

A conversation isn’t just a cockfight, so have the elegance to admit you’re wrong, or at least to let someone else feel they’ve convinced you (women usually do this very well).

The power of suggestion is much more effective than the power of persuasion, bear this in mind.

4) You abuse your repartee
Here again, the idea is not to systematically get the upper hand or to have the last word, as this is more counter-productive than anything else.

It’s about having the right word at the right time, not about being a nag – especially since, from an outsider’s point of view, if you try too hard to string together lines, jokes or figures of speech, you may not be as relevant and caustic as you think you are.

5) YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO GIVE UNSOLICITED ADVICE
The next time you’re surprised that someone (at the venue or elsewhere) to whom you’ve graciously dispensed life lessons has taken little notice, think back to that time when you were looking for empathy and validation and found yourself faced with someone who suddenly thought he was your daron.

The only time you’re allowed to give advice is when you’re asked for it. Period.

6) YOU OPENLY FLAUNT QUALITIES THAT ARE NOT YOURS TO ASCRIBE TO YOURSELF.
So not only are you funny, thoughtful and generous, but life has spoiled you in a special way, making you modest and tolerant.

So, like vegans who spend their time letting people know they’re vegans, you never miss an opportunity to promote yourself.

What do you mean, there are people coughing at the back of the room…

7) YOU’RE NOT ENTHUSIASTIC ENOUGH
Driven by your desire to be seen as the guy who’s above it all and can’t be beaten, you play the blasé card in all circumstances. Nothing ever really catches your eye, with the phrase “that’s all right” coming up again and again.

No impetus, no fervor, no enthusiasm… just a little life! Empathy is all about feeling, as the girls say.

8) YOUR VOICE CONVEYS NO EMOTION
Monotone flow, drawn-out sentences, silences between each line… these aren’t words coming out of your mouth but a bored purr.

This is all the more unfortunate as the voice is a real link between you and your interlocutor. As a vector of nuance, the tone you use allows you to intensify your story by adding just the right amount of humor, sarcasm or complicity.

A little life, for heaven’s sake! (encore)

PS: the best way to detect insincerity? Spot when the voice is high-pitched.

9) YOU CONSTANTLY EMPHASIZE THE NEGATIVE
When you get back from vacation, you start by talking about how the hotel pool closed on Tuesday mornings. The day after the party, the first thing that comes to mind is how long it took you to get served at the bar. And if your friends ask you how your date went, you’re quick to point out that she showed up with an untied shoelace.

Does that sound ridiculous (and boring) when you put it that way? Well, it’s not just a thought.

Rather than being labelled the bearer of bad news (the group will quickly burn the messenger), convert to the virtues of the glass half-full.

10) YOU TALK TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF
Perhaps it would be a good idea to wait until you’ve actually been asked to go into the details of your daily life before going into the details of your daily life?

It’s true that talking about yourself gives you incomparable pleasure, but bringing it all back to you all the time only attracts the ear of a few weak minds at best – while the rest of the world takes the opportunity to check their phones compulsively.

And the prevailing narcissism that’s becoming more and more prevalent every day only accentuates the trend: what’s interesting is talking about yourself to others, not hearing others talk about you.

11) YOU DON’T TALK ENOUGH ABOUT YOURSELF
To establish a connection, it’s necessary to build bridges – and it’s not being modest to play the wall, it’s rather hovering somewhere between lack of correctness and lack of self-confidence.

References, feelings, interests… all this can only be uncovered by revealing a minimum of yourself.

It’s up to you to strike a balance with the previous point.

It’s also up to you to learn how to talk about yourself in a way that makes others want to know more – typically, learn how to explain your job in a few words, tease out your hobbies, hint at common ground, etc.

12) YOU DON’T OFFER ANY ADDED VALUE
It’s hard to stimulate the intellect of your interlocutors if you think like everyone else on subjects that interest everyone else.

No one’s asking you to know everything about everything (on the contrary, don’t be afraid to miss a few trains and then leave it to others to teach you more), but when it’s your turn to express yourself, being a little different or original helps you stand out from the crowd.

It’s up to you to sharpen your opinions, diversify your sources, and even “think against yourself” if need be.

13) YOU REPEAT YOURSELF
God, it’s annoying to hear yourself repeating the same thing two, three or four times in the same conversation. It’s as if the person talking to you is determined to make you look stupid.

Note that if he were to realize that he was giving the impression (even more than the impression) of having nothing to say, he would immediately stop rambling.

14) YOU STICK TO THE FACTS
Relationships are first and foremost a question of emotions in this political animal that is the human being.

So don’t reduce your anecdotes to information (“I’ve been there”, “I’ve done that”), but give them substance by enriching them with your feelings, your vocabulary, your sense of observation…

Once again, it’s all about connecting with your audience, including them in the thread of your story.

Bonus: the more you intensify your storytelling, the more you scatter “conversation pebbles”, a.k.a. those open doors that at any moment allow you to indulge in the joys of digression.

15) YOU WAIT FOR THE EXCHANGE TO END ON ITS OWN
The memory your interlocutor keeps of you is largely correlated to the last image you leave him/her.

When the signals of interest turn orange (a drop in intensity, the appearance of blanks, the clock ticking… when banter turns to chit-chat, that is), don’t take the risk of ending a tone below you.

Be the one who creates the gap by deciding to bring the discussion to a close, not in a dry manner, but by thanking everyone for the quality of the time spent.

Best wishes!