Making your own choices isn’t easy. In fact, we have to learn to take responsibility for our choices, because the gaze of others and the judgment of others weigh on our shoulders and make us doubt what we want and who we are. That’s why here are 5 tips to help you stop being afraid of being yourself.

1 – Listen to yourself and take responsibility for your choices

We haven’t learned to listen to ourselves. In fact, we learned to listen to others, starting with our parents and teachers. And, over time, we ended up listening to everyone.

That’s why today we can’t make our own choices and live our own lives.

Although we feel cramped in this life, we don’t know how to do anything else.

What’s important to us? What are we?

For a long time, I didn’t know how to answer these questions. And yet, deep inside me, there was an anger that drove me not to check off boxes I didn’t like: a job I didn’t like, friendships that tired me out, loves that didn’t suit me.

But I had learned to listen: “You need a permanent job, you mustn’t be antisocial, force yourself. Sometimes you have to adapt to what you don’t like.”

In fact, I was never told, “Listen to yourself.”

And yet, it’s vital!

Because when I decided to learn how to be happy, I discovered that I wasn’t here on Earth to adapt to what I didn’t like, I was here to discover what I did like and take action to build a life I loved.

And to do that, I first had to learn to listen to myself.

That’s why I started by taking a moment every day to ask myself these 2 questions:

What do I want? Why do I want it?

These questions led me to begin my apprenticeship in happiness, then they led me to become a psychiatrist, and today they continue to lead me to learn and evolve.

That’s why, in order to make your own choices and take responsibility for them, it’s time to really listen to yourself.

2 – Trust yourself

So when you start to make your own choices and try to find solutions to take responsibility for them, you’re bound to have a lot of fears.

I know a thing or two about that (laughs).

We didn’t learn this at school, but our choices are bound to take us where we’ve never been before.

Because we’re here to learn, grow and evolve, our choices will lead us to do things for the first time. In other words, our choices will arouse fears.

Fear is normal. Especially when you’re about to do something for the first time.

Let’s say you’ve just discovered that you’d like to change jobs and that you’d like to be a photographer. You’re scared.

It’s only natural.

When I found out I wanted to become a psychiatrist, I was scared.

That’s why I realized that taking responsibility for your choices means listening to yourself and then trusting yourself.

For this, one phrase has been my guide: “If you can dream it, you can do it.”

In fact, if your choices really come from you, from your heart, from your guts, if they give you butterflies in your stomach, if it’s what you really want, then it’s no accident. It’s your way, your path.

And that’s what it means to trust yourself, to trust life.

In other words, taking responsibility for your choices means being certain that this is what you really want, and trusting yourself.

3 – Overcoming fear of judgment to take responsibility for your choices

Other people will judge you. Even your parents, even the friends you thought were closest.

Because everyone judges, everyone talks about everyone else.

Those closest to you, those who love you most in the world, are going to talk about you, not out of curiosity or spite, but because they’re afraid for you, very afraid.

And their fears will turn into more or less severe judgments, depending on how clumsy they are and how well they understand their fears.

In other words, taking responsibility for your choices means knowing that you’re going to face judgments and that you’re going to have to overcome them.

It means preparing ourselves mentally.

So how do we go about it?

Every time I make a choice in my life and I’m about to take it on with my loved ones, I prepare myself by telling myself not to take personally what my loved ones tell me.

I’m going to put a lot of benevolence into listening to other people’s judgments. In fact, I’m replacing the word “judgment” with “projections” and “advice”.

In fact, I remind myself that when my loved ones react to my life choice, they’re going to tell me about their fears.

And, even if they say to me: “That’s nonsense. You can’t do it” or “Do you have a plan B just in case?

So many phrases that can hurt. I remind myself that none of this concerns me.

In fact, they say to me, “If I were in your shoes, I’d think it’s a load of crap and I wouldn’t think I was up to it,” or “If I were in your shoes, I’d have a plan B.”

Do you see how differently we receive things when we don’t take them personally?

So, taking responsibility for your choices means being prepared to receive judgments and learning not to take them personally.

4 – Accepting disappointment

You’re going to disappoint people around you.

Let’s take another example: you want to be a photographer, but your mother wanted you to be a doctor. You want to go and live abroad, but your father wanted you close to him.

And it’s normal for people to be disappointed by your life choices.

Because we’re all different, we have totally different projects and dreams. In other words, what makes you dream doesn’t necessarily make the people closest to you dream.

So, how do you deal with these moments and assume your choices despite the disappointment of certain people?

I’ve made a lot of choices that have disappointed some of the people around me. First of all, it’s important not to take other people’s disappointment personally, and not to hold it against them.

In fact, it’s essential to welcome the disappointment of those around you, to hear it, to let others say to themselves: “I’m disappointed that…”.

Then it’s a matter of taking responsibility for your choices, living them to the full despite the disappointment of others.

I talk a lot about parents, because they’re the ones we really don’t want to disappoint, because they’ve given us so much.

Do we have the right to disappoint our parents?

Yes, we do.

Because this life is ours. The 24 hours you received this morning are yours.

When I understood this and applied it to my life, everything changed.

And I discovered that as soon as I made my own choices and took responsibility for them, my relationships with those around me became much better.

Because when you’re not happy in your life, it weighs on your relationships.

And when we feel free to be ourselves, when we live a life that reflects who we are and what we’re passionate about, that happiness and joy light up our relationships.

5 – Surround yourself with the right people to take responsibility for your choices

Taking responsibility for your choices sometimes means losing people. Because things don’t always work out perfectly.

Indeed, there are choices that will alienate you from certain people. It happens to everyone, every day.

But what can you do?

I discovered that you have to surround yourself with the right people.

In other words, you can’t stay with people who make you feel guilty, who impose their choices on you. You have to have the courage to leave those people behind and meet people who make you want to be you and only you.

It can be done.

And to make it happen, you have to get going.

When I decided to learn to be happy, I was alone at the time.

But when I made that choice and took responsibility for it, my actions led me to discover the world of blogging, to create a blog myself and I met the right people.

The ones who make me say: “I’m glad I made the choice I made and I’m happy with it.”

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to take the plunge. You’re not alone, and I’ll be happy to walk alongside you.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to love yourself? 5 tips for loving yourself fully
Discover Making the right choice: 4 tips to stop being afraid

I recommend this inspiring book:

Thank you very much for reading this article.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
This young adult novel traces the journey of Junior, a Native American boy, as he is transferred to a predominantly white school. It’s a harrowing exploration of identity, friendship and the need to stay true to oneself.
I’m delighted to have read it, as it will undoubtedly arouse your curiosity.
I really enjoyed this book

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself