People do bad things. It happens every day, to everyone. But how do we forgive these people? How do you find peace and move on? Here are 6 useful tips.

1 – To forgive, understand that life is too short

To forgive is first and foremost to understand that the anger we carry within us, which we only stir up by dwelling on the wrong done to us, only hurts ourselves.

Indeed, it’s not anger that’s going to change what’s happened. Nothing can change that.

Nor will anger change the people who hurt us. Nobody changes for others, especially when it’s out of anger.

In other words, we’re the only ones who get burned by our anger.

How about letting go?

What if we realized that our life is far too short to live it in anger?

Yes, people have hurt you and you can’t change what’s happened.

But you can choose to go on living your life more calmly, more serenely, and to do that, you need to forgive.

Forgiving doesn’t mean you agree with what’s happened.

Forgiveness means that you decide to free yourself from the anger that’s eating away at you, that you leave the past in the past and choose to live your life in the way that makes you happy.

2 – Accept that people are not perfect

To forgive people who have hurt us, it’s essential to understand that people aren’t perfect.

Everyone, at some point in their lives, has hurt someone. Not necessarily on purpose, not necessarily too intensely, but every day we make mistakes and blunders that hurt others.

Because we’re not perfect.

What’s more, we all have wounds inside us which mean that what someone says or does will hit us with more or less violence.

Because we’re not in each other’s heads.

In fact, I don’t know what’s going on inside you, just as you don’t know what’s going on inside me, and that’s why it’s quite possible that one day I’ll say something that offends you, or it’ll be you.

That’s why, even in our most intimate relationships, we’ll sometimes suffer or cause suffering, because we don’t have absolute knowledge of each other.

We’re not perfect, and neither are our relationships.

I think that’s a wonderful thing. Indeed, if everything were perfect, life wouldn’t be so exciting and our relationships would be terribly boring.

What’s more, it’s because others sometimes hurt us that we can become aware of our own wounds. And it’s because we sometimes bump into others that we get to know the people around us better.

And it’s because we always have the choice to forgive that our relationships can deepen, instead of being destroyed by the slightest mistake, the slightest imperfection.

Indeed, forgiveness means going beyond imperfections and blunders. It’s to stop seeing the other person as an enemy who means us harm, but as a human being who doesn’t have absolute knowledge of ourselves.

And it’s up to us to forgive and express to the other what we feel and what we need.

3 – To forgive, accept that some people do mean things

Sometimes people do really mean things. I’m thinking in particular of toxic relationships, people who manipulate us for their own benefit.

So how do we forgive these people who have hurt us, really hurt us?

Personally, I think you have to let time do its work.

In other words, we have to accept the anger we feel, but not hold on to it and constantly inflame it.

To do this, I think the secret is not to constantly ponder the question: “Why?”

Why did this person hurt me? Why me?

We need to be aware of our anger when it’s there, while knowing in our heart of hearts that one day it will disappear and the time for forgiveness will come.

That’s how I’ve managed to forgive people who’ve done mean things to me, things that at the time I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive.

But I succeeded, and today I feel so much better.

Because forgiveness doesn’t mean giving the other person a reason, saying: “You were right to hurt me.

It’s not that at all.

To forgive is to say to ourselves: “I am free today from my past. I’m free to move on and be happy, happy in spite of everything.”

4 – Understand that we don’t all want to suffer

Forgiveness also means understanding that we all have the same goal in life: to avoid suffering. It can even be: to be happy.

But not to suffer is more meaningful, I think.

That’s why, when you need to forgive someone to find peace, you can meditate on the idea that we all want to avoid suffering in life.

And when we understand that the people who have hurt us don’t want to suffer in life, just like every other person on Earth, then forgiveness becomes easier.

Indeed, we understand that what they did, they did with the sole aim of not suffering.

So, here again, it’s not a question of giving reason to the people who hurt us, but of understanding that they did what they did in order not to suffer.

In fact, we can’t understand the intellectual and emotional path that led them to do what they did, but we can understand the purpose: they don’t want to suffer, just like us, just like everyone else.

And understanding this can help us to forgive them.

Because anger is replaced by compassion.

And, I think it’s compassion that can change the world and even the people who have hurt us, not anger. What do you think?

5 – To forgive, wish everyone peace

In the end, the people who hurt us are people who don’t want to suffer in life, who even want to be happy, like all of us on Earth.

But they have wounds inside them, as we all do, and they think that what they’re doing is the best way for them to achieve their goal of not suffering and being happy in life.

That’s why, to help us forgive them, we can wish them peace. In other words, to succeed in soothing their wounds and suffering.

We can even wish them happiness. But that will come with time, of course.

Wishing them all this doesn’t mean we want them to continue doing harm – quite the contrary.

Because it’s pain that drives us to hurt people.

And it’s happiness and inner peace that drive us to do good to people.

In other words, if we wish the people who hurt us peace and even happiness, then we know they won’t hurt anyone else.

In fact, it’s a meditation that does me a lot of good, which is why I’m keen to tell you about it in this article.

Because it’s important not to focus on anger or even suffering.

In fact, I think it’s much sweeter for us, but also for the world, to focus on inner peace and happiness. It’s this impulse from the heart that will make the world a sweeter, more pleasant place to live.

6 – Training for happiness

When people hurt us, that’s all we tend to think about, perhaps because we unconsciously think that if they’ve hurt us, we deserved it.

It’s terrible, but I think there’s some truth in it.

Because if we didn’t believe that, then we’d move on much more easily and be able to forgive more quickly.

So how can we stop believing this lie?

To do so, I think it’s essential to learn about happiness.

After all, our heads are filled with beliefs, each as terrible as the next, and we do nothing to free ourselves from them.

In fact, we need to learn to be happy. It’s a necessity.

We have to learn to forgive, to trust ourselves, to have better relationships with others, to communicate, to assert ourselves and so many other things that enable us to live a happy and healthy life.

But, unfortunately, we don’t realize that we need to learn to be happy. Indeed, we think that happiness falls from the sky, by chance, that it’s a bit of a lottery.

And, especially when people have hurt us, we’re unable to believe that happiness is for us.

But happiness is possible for everyone, provided we learn to be happy.

I’d be delighted to accompany you on your journey.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to stop letting hurtful remarks get to you ?
Discover Stop dwelling on the past: 8 tips to start moving forward

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World by Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu

In The Book of Forgiveness, Desmond Tutu and Mpho Tutu guide readers on a transformative journey towards forgiveness. The book explores the complexities of forgiving those who have hurt us, offering a fourfold path that includes telling the story, identifying the hurt, granting forgiveness, and renewing or releasing the relationship. Rooted in personal experience and universal principles, the book provides practical and spiritual insights into the healing power of forgiveness. It is a profound resource for anyone seeking to free themselves from the burden of resentment and regain inner peace.

Irrespective of your beliefs, this is a book that everyone can gain from reading, and I recommend it to you.

It’s beautifully written and thought-provoking. It also offers the introspection we all need from time to time.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself